Being a Wife and Mother Doesn't Always Come Naturally
I need to speak at a men's retreat for my church about being a wife and mother of young children. I want to be able to use this blog to springboard any ideas and thoughts I have and I hope that others respond.
I love to read, especially fiction. ( My reading has been minimal since having children.) In the historical reading that I have done, it seems like girls are raised to be wives and mothers - I think that for the most part, that is true. In today's society in which I grew up, I feel like this isn't the case. Every child is told that they can be anything that they want to be. Girls can have a career if they want - they can do it all. I wonder if that is so much the focus, that girls don't learn and focus on being a wife and mother. I don't want to say that my parents didn't raise me well, but I do know that sometimes I feel like being a mother and a wife doesn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would.
I have more to write on this subject, but my kids need me and I need to go.
5 comments:
This is a great topic, I didn't realize I'd have an opionion until I took the time to read your blog.
I don't know if it is necessarily the experiences growing up that forces girls to focus on career, or that it's even society that creates the focus. For myself I find that the focus on a career was created by reality. The reality is that life is expensive. We don't always have the option to be a stay at home mom anymore. Not only are women no longer 'traditional' in their role, but men are not either. All men do not have the ability, or maybe interest, to take on the responsibility of being the traditional providor and bread-winner. Since there are bills that need to be paid; housing, food, utilities, transportation.. What choice do women have but to get a job, and if obtaining a job, assuming one is intelligent when making this decision; then why not obtain one that is worthwhile, rewarding, and that pays well. As we all know, those that pay well will require more time and attention. Time and attention that won't be spent on reading Better Homes & Garden or attending PTA meetings. Months may pass at a time when you're swamped in this job you obtained in order to be able to pay your bills, and here you are in your late 20's or 30's - and you have a career. A career that you may focus on more than you focus on becoming a Betty Crocker in the kitchen. I don't have children of my own yet, but I also doubt my abilities of being a good wife or mother - I know I'll make a great Mom. I am a good cook, keep a clean home, and am nurturing and patient with people. There are all sorts of experiences that create an opportunity to learn the basics of nurturing human needs, the basics of this vision we have of being June Cleaver. I am a Mom to my boyfriend, my little brother, my nieces and nephews, my neighbor boy, and sometimes Mom to my employees.
For some people, being a Mom and wife just doesn't come natural, and that's just that. They simply don't have the personality, the interest in being 'traditional', or the patience. I know people who have come from very loving homes with the typical American dream experiences, and it just isn't natural for them to hold a baby or make a home cooked meal.
Maybe the title to this blog already says it all, being a wife and mother doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes it's because of life itself, and sometimes it's just not natural.
Hi Rebecca,
Don here. Don't know if I have anything to add to your thoughts, but may come up with some thoughts in the next few days. Might check in with Michelle at rdsmds@mchsi.com She may have some thoughts to share. From the perspective of one who had a wonderful helpmeet through our 46 years together, I do know that my thoughts went to how Peggy was always supportive and, at the same time, offered insights into human nature that were extremely helpful to me in ministry. I believe that is one of those things that every man needs, whether or not he's willing to admit it(smile). The quiet strength and faith she demonstrated were always a tremendous help to me through those 46 years. Have no idea if anything I've said it helpfu but it is good to share it with you. God love you, precious young sister and friend. Don
Hi Rebecca. What an honor to be asked to do this! You will be so blessed by sharing your thoughts. I became a mother far sooner than I really wanted to...but I would never wish that experience away. I was not ready to be a mother financially, emotionally, etc. I was a single mother for a year and a half. In that time I learned the value of my child and what it meant to put my needs to the side for that of my baby. I learned what it was to be a "true mother". A selfless mother. Since I have had two other children and recently lost our...what would been our fourth...child.
About being a wife, it is like having a best friend and a lover all in one. I could not imagine doing this mother thing alone again. A co-existance for the same purpose. We have a single vision for our family and I think that helps a lot.
Well of course child #3 is crying and in need of sleep. I must go tend to her. Goodbye. Lucinda.
Hey!
I think God makes us, shapes us, to be what he wants us to be. The accrostic for shape I use is
S = Spiritual gifts
H = Heart
A = Abilities
P = Personality
E = Experience
I think God shaped Mrs. Evans to be a great mother, look at her shape
Spiritual Gifts include compassion
Heart of a loving servant
Abilities as a teacher
Personality that attracts others
Experience as Christian
This is a very brief overview of the Rebecca we all love, but I think it shows that God made you to be a fabulous mother!
I think that the Lord has established and shown us through the ages what his wish for us is. We are not able to create life with out a mother and a father. He has had a plan for us from the beginning. I think that the most important thing in life is to raise a family that have a loving relationship with their Father in Heaven. The world wants us to think otherwise. Nowadays the focus of life is who has the most and the nicest and "am I happy?". The more we drift away from the "family of the 50s" the more things can go wrong. When there is a mother who is involved with the life of her children and husband she is able to make sure they stay on the "right" course. Mom who work cannot give their family the amount of attention it needs. I know because I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom. If you prioritize the things in your life you will find that you can do without some of the material things and be richly blessed within your home. I think this topic is one that people feel very emtional about. I know that smoetimes the mom has to work and there is no way around it. To those women who juggle career and family I do not envy. Thiers is a hard struggle. I am thankful that I am able to stay home at this time. We each have different talents and gifts from the Lord. Some women maybe more patient than others but that does not make them bad mothers. We each have the children we were meant to have. Life is supposed to be a challenge if not we would not be able to grow. It is the journey of life that is the great blessing. Melissa
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