Men's Retreat Part 2

The second influence is the Influence of Feminism. I didn’t realize what a hot topic this was. Dr. James Dobson had this to say about it in his article “To the Husbands of Christian Homemakers.”
“It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything that they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined. 1)The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman’s time suffers unrelenting bombardment. 2)The idea that wives should yield to the leadership of their husbands, as commanded in Ephesians 5:21-33 is considered almost medieval in its stupidity. 3)The concept that a man and woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.4)The belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody. 5)The description of the ideal wife and mother, as offered in Proverbs 31:10-31 is now unthinkable for the modern woman. 6)The role of the female as the help-meet, bread-maker, wound-patcher, love-giver, home-builder and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting. All of these deeply ingrained values, which many of your wives are trying desperately to sustain, are continually exposed to the wrath of hell itself. The Western media - radio, television, and the press - are working relentlessly to shred the last vestiges of Christian tradition. And your wives who believe in that spiritual heritage are virtually hanging by their thumbs! They are made to feel stupid and old-fashioned and unfulfilled, and in many cases, their self-esteem is suffering irreparable damage. They are fighting a sweeping social movement with very little support from everyone.”

When I first read the article, I thought Dr. Dobson was being a little out there and radical. Then someone sent me a topic that was discussed on Good Morning America. It opened a whole new can of worms for me and maybe Dobson was right on. A woman wrote an article for “London’s Daily Mail” about how her children bore her. She said that going to her children’s events were boring and that she begs her nanny to stay overtime just to read her children bedtime stories. Of course that has sparked some controversy - what mother doesn’t want to love and nurture her children by spending time with and rooting them on? GMA wanted women to write in their thoughts and they had different panels of women on to express their views. They called it “Mommy Wars.“ One lady in particular - a feminist commentator, Linda Hirshman, says that stay-at-home moms are wasting their talents by not focusing on higher education and career pursuits. “Educated, interesting women can’t be fulfilled at home.” “Staying at home is like riding a motorcycle without a helmet.” - it is your choice to ride without a helmet, but it isn’t safe. She says that, “Social statistics say kids aren’t any worse off” if the mother works. That stay at home moms are letting down the team - the other women in the workplace.

Can you believe that? But she is just a radical feminist - what do other women think? I found another article published in England entitled “Motherhood is boring, say Young Women.” The article talks about a study in which young women fear that having children will “undermine their sense of identity.” “One in four women who turns 30 this year will never have children.” Bea Campbell, a feminist writer, “says that society should learn lessons from more women choosing not to have children. Men have organized motherhood in such a way that they don’t have to parent and they are considered real men for that.”

I think the average American person doesn’t feel this way, but I do feel the effects of this type of thinking. In an interview with Focus on the Family, Diane Passno, a lady who used to call her self a feminist, but isn’t now because she became disenchanted with their speakers and their agenda. What she had to say was interesting - “historically the feminist movement was based on Christian values and respected the role of motherhood - the goal was to help women. Where the feminist movement went wrong is when it started to devalue children. Roe vs. Wade and legalizing abortion. Because children became devalued - a woman’s role in bearing, nurturing, and raising children was devalued as well. Career was emphasized as the alternative and promoted as a real achievement. The conflict is that our Creator God designed a woman to take care of children, to provide a good home, to be a nurturer. That’s how we function best. Women can even bring those gifts to the workplace - but if all that is important is career achievement, than it negates how we are created.” She also says that in regard to the family, “the children are the losers.” Women are told, “ you have to contribute to the household financially - you have to have a career and live a certain way.” Usually women feel like they have to do this for the benefit of the children- so the children can every advantage that money can buy. As a result, “life becomes hectic and children get shuttled from one thing to another with no time with mom.”

“The feminist movement is hurtful to women. Feminism discounts every bit the value the Lord has placed on living in relationship to Him. It is a movement that negates the pattern of marriage and the importance of children and men. What is mistaken in our culture is the interpretation that scripture places women as doormats - the woman has all the work - bearing children, taking care of the home - poor woman.”

I just stumbled on the issue of feminism and I didn’t realize that I felt so strongly about it. Young mothers today are stumbling. Why is that? Diane Passno had an answer - “So many moms today were raised by career oriented parents. These mothers have no clue how to run a household and answer basic child rearing questions like how do I potty-train?” Doesn’t that make sense - parents want everything for their children and somewhere we decide that what is best for our girls is that they can take care of themselves and to do that they need to have a career and skills that they can use outside the home. We focus so on that, girls don’t have many skills for in the home. Then we are told lies and half truths - like being at home is unfulfilling and you are not interesting and children may not be better off at home and a woman has to be able to take care of themselves because the divorce rate is 41%

These lies are based on the fact that many moms that stay home don’t use that time wisely, because they don’t know better. They let their children watch too much t.v. and video games and there is not enough playing with each other, playing outside, and just day-to-day chores with each other. That time together is so necessary, even doing the mundane daily tasks together are good for the child’s social development.

There are times when children and parents have to be away from each other. But consider 4 reasons why it is important for children to stay at home. 1)Children thrive and learn better when they enjoy one on one relationships with adults rather than as members of a group. 2)You can’t pay an employee in a child-care center enough to care for your children like their own mothers will do.3)Research verifies that kids at home are healthier than those who are exposed to diseases, coughs and sneezes from other boys and girls. 4) a bonding is more likely to occur between parents and children when the developmental milestones are experienced firsthand. (Taken from “What do you think of placing children in child-care centers so mothers can work? From the Focus on the Family website)

What I am trying to say is not to devalue what a working mother does. It is a necessity. Children do have to go to child care. There are some moms handle this challenge amazingly well. They should be admired for the discipline and dedication. But I think that we all could agree that it is a exhausting . Getting kids ready - meals - shopping - work - housework. Trying to do it all and be successful without the man’s help - that is not a very healthy influence.

Husbands, you need to love your wives as Christ loved the Church.