Men's Retreat Part 1

Well everyone, the Men's Retreat is over. It was in a beautiful location in Monterrey, CA. It went well, but I am glad it is over. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and all your help. What I ended up with isn't quite what I thought when I started, but I must say that God's hand was in it - everything started to fit together - not because of me. I used some of my other posts, so if you have read my other posts you will recognize some of the information. For the actual retreat, I ended cutting some of the quotes out, but I decided to leave it all for this post.

Men’s Retreat: Sleepy Thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three
Children outside, still
In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
Food boxes and wrappers
Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was
The front door to the house
And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding
Into the entry, he found
An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked
Over, and the throw rug was
Wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a
Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
And various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink,
Breakfast food was spilled on the
Counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog
Food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a
Small pile of sand was spread
By the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
Toys and more piles of
Clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried
She might be ill, or that
Something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it
Made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
Scummy soap and more toys
Strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
Heap and toothpaste had been
Smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife
Still curled up in the bed
In her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up
At him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What
Happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every
Day when you come home
From work and you ask me what in the world I do all
Day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."


***Describe Mother ****Describe wife ****Why do you think motherhood is important? ***What do you think is missing in wives today? ****Why did God create women?

When I agreed to Rich that I would speak, I had no idea where all my researching and thoughts would take me. There were times that I just wanted to call Rich up and decline. What would a group of men care about anything that I would have to say? After some long talks that I had with my dad and some comments on my blog, “Sleepy thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood,” I have persevered. I hope that in all I have to say today that you will understand the role of being a mother in today’s society and I want to urge you to be godly men, because we women need you.

My sleepy thoughts have lead me to a conclusion that women today are pressures by 4 influences. The first influence is the Influence of Expectations. I started blogging on the web - journaling my thoughts. I wanted other’s thoughts on motherhood. As I was writing, I was soul searching. I was having a hard time in my role as wife and mother. I was feeling frazzled and inadequate. I felt like I had lost my identity, the life I was living was not what I imagined or expected. To tell you the truth, I didn’t feel like I was doing a good job at it. Preparing meals 3 times a day - cleaning up after them -doing all the laundry - sorting, washing , drying, folding, putting away, treating stains. Putting toys away, bathing, cleaning, picking up. Not only that, every time I turned around, there was a new mess. Can you imagine trying to fold clothes and your 2 year old son knocking them all down. Or how about always finding food in the cracks and crevices of the tables and chairs because of tiny grimy hands that run over them. Sometimes I look at the mess and don’t feel like I want to tackle it - it is overwhelming. Who is there to care what I do? I will hear it if I don’t do it. There was never any time for myself and I had made myself isolated, partly my fault because I couldn’t give up the control of taking care of the children.
I am not the only mother and wife that feels this way. As I was researching, I found many others who are feeling the way I do. And the word that kept coming to mind was “Expectations.” Sometime while we were little girls we played and dreamed about what it we going to be like when we grew up. I can tell you right now, what we ended up with is not what we dreamed about. Nicole Johnson writes about that in her book Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World. “Walt Disney didn’t do us any favors, or at least it feels that way most days. Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty see, to point the way to a life we could never really have, yet it is obviously one we would continue hoping for anyway. As adult women we are wide awake, facing the loss of our dreams, with no idea what will take their place.”
And don’t we ask our kids, “what are you going to be when you grow up?” and don’t we expect our sons and daughters to have lofty aspirations? When I was a child, I never felt right about saying that I wanted to be a mother or a wife. I guess that I just assumed that I would be those things. The question was - what really was going to define me - and that couldn‘t be just a wife and mother. I just expected to fall right into being a wife and mother - now how hard could it really be, women have been doing it for years, it had to be natural. Being a wife and mother was harder than I expected and it certainly wasn’t a fairy tale.

One day I was surfing the web “googling“ Motherhood and I stumbled on a blog called “ordinary mother“ The writer ministered to me that day and I would like to share it with you. She wrote -
As a teenager I remember reading biographies of missionaries and dreaming of someday living in a jungle with the natives and heroically preaching the gospel and translating scripture in my grass hut. Many were the times that I prayed, “Here I am Lord, send me!” My heart though mixed with selfish ambition and pride was to be used in God’s kingdom.
In time my missionary dreams faded in light of my new passion for the local church. Fantasies of jungle evangelism gave way to me actually leading a high school girls’ Bible study and playing keyboard every Sunday morning. New dreams of being a pastor’s wife (a dream that came true!) and maybe even church planting emerged. “Here am I. Send me,” still echoed in my heart.
Then, a new season dawned in my life…motherhood. God made my entrance into motherhood such that I had to rather abruptly be removed from involvement in both youth group and worship team to care for twins. And just to ensure that I wouldn’t go back to other ministries too soon - five months after the twins were born, I was pregnant again. Those dreams of heroic missionary work, leading Bible studies, and being right with my husband at various meetings and ministry events were interrupted by 2 am feedings, 16 diaper changes a day, and raging hormones.
Even though I absolutely enjoyed my babies, in the first three years or so, I often found myself overwhelmed and frazzled. I couldn’t stay motivated to keep doing the same things over and over. I was tired of my inadequacy to do this mom thing. But God in his mercy broke through. It wasn’t a sudden revelation, but more of a dawning for me. I was always looking for the grand, heroic gesture to glorify God. Looking back, my desire was really for my own glory. With much patience God revealed to me that true godliness that glorifies Him is evident in the mundane moments in life. Yes, I was willing to go to the jungles of Africa, but was I willing to go to the playroom and pick up the toys for the fifth time that day. Yes, I was willing to preach to the natives, but was I willing to view disciplining my children as opportunities to further the Gospel in their lives. Instead of translating scripture, was I willing to translate the Bible to a preschooler.
God has graciously revealed to me that He has ordained this season with all of its daily-ness. It is tailor made for His glory and my good. Indeed, it is nothing short of a miracle when God enables this selfish mother to keep up with laundry, build a Thomas track, and help the kids resolve conflict.
Something amazing has happened in this life of mine. I am finding that when I submit to this plan God designed for me to bring Him glory (which is still a daily battle), I find joy even in the most mundane task. How amazing that God would accept sweeping the floor as a spiritual act of worship (Romans 12). How amazing that when in my self-pity I think, “nobody sees or appreciates all that I am doing,” God whispers to me, “I see you.” How amazing that I can so tangibly feel the pleasure of God in me when I am simply building a lego house, teaching Math, or reading a story to my children.
My testimony is that God has patiently helped me to understand that in His kindness He has made bringing glory to Him in the daily events of life, a source of great joy…even better than dreaming.”

What an encouraging story to me and others that have read her blog. To know another Christian woman that feels the way I do - that could have been my testimony. It ministered to my spirit.

It is so easy for women to get caught up into their expectations that it is hard to glorify God in our reality. This is one way that we need you, we need you to know our dreams - our expectations and lovingly bring us back to reality. Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church.