My All in All

Why do I depend so much on my husband to be what I need him to be? I can't expect him to be my all in all and fill me up when I am down. As much as I wish he would be, he is only human. I just hate it when he disappoints me. I also know that only God can be that - HE is my ALL in ALL.

There is a worship song that says that.

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are my treasure that I seak, You are my All in All.
When I am down you lift me up, when I am dry you fill my cup, You are my All in All. Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is your name. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is your name."

Dearest Heavenly Father, Thank you for your continued blessings. I don't deserve your love, but You still give it to me. Help me remember to count on You in my neediness and not on humans. I pray that You will be with me and my husband as we continue to walk together with You in our marriage. Help us learn to treat each other with respect and grow together. In your Precious Son's name - Amen

Is Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Boring?

"Sept. 29, 2006 — "Good Morning America" looked at an article that a mother of two had written in London's Daily Mail in July, which said that her sons and their adolescent activities bored her to death.

Not surprisingly, the backlash from outraged mothers, stay-at-home and otherwise, came fast and hard.

But the article launched a real debate on a topic which, until now, women only discussed in private — is being with your children all it's cracked up to be?

It's not about staying home from work, it's about women's real, and sometimes conflicting, feelings about motherhood."

Good Morning America wanted Stay-At-Home Moms to write back their opinion about whether it was boring to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I decided to write them. Being a Stay-At-Home mom is not boring. What it comes down to is what my mom use to tell me -"Boring is a state of mind, if you are bored than you are a boring person." I think with an attitude change and a game plan, staying at home with little ones can be a lot of fun. I am still a work in progress, but I am getting there.

I think that this debate has a lot to do with what I already have written about - expectations. Motherhood isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I guess a lot of other women feel as I do. Along with staying at home with the kids, there are a lot of chores to go with it. Cooking healthy nice tasting meals(that can be an overwhelming task for those who aren't use to cooking), cleaning (it is amazing how dirty kids are and all the nooks and cranies that they get stuff), saving money, and planning. I could go on and on. My point is that I (and obviously other women) wasn't prepared for everything involved with being a mother. Like I said, having an attitude change is helpful. For instance, I have been working at my cooking skills. Watching the Food Network has helped. The different cooks have taught me that cooking can be easy and enjoyable. I don't dread it as much. I am still learning. I need to work on my feelings about cleaning - but maybe that is another blog. I am just grateful that God helped me change my focus and feelings about motherhood. I am a much happier mom these last few months, although I still have my days. On those days, my kids aren't boring - I am.

Depression and Young Mothers

I have received some good ideas for my speaking engagement. I am still not absolutely sure about the flow of it. I have been working on some thoughts and researching them. So I am going to throw them out there and see if I get any comments on them. My research is from the American Psychiatric Association website and the National Institute of Mental Health website.

"Women are approximately two times more likely than men to suffer from major depression and dysthymia."

"Women's risk of depressive symptoms and demoralization is higher among mothers of young children and increases with the number of children in the house."

"Significant loss, a difficult relationship, financial problems, or a major change in life pattern have all been cited as contributors to depressive illness."

"Persons with certain characteristics - pessimistic thinking, low self esteem, a sense of having little control over life events, and a tendency to worry excessively - are more likely to develop depression."

"A variety of factors unique to women's lives are suspected to play a role in developing depression. Research is focused on understanding these, including: reproductive, hormonal, genetic or other biological factors, abuse and oppression; interpersonal factors; and certain psychological and personality characteristics. And yet, specific causes of depression in women remain unclear; many women exposed to these factors do not develop depression."

"Stresses include major responsibilities at home and work, single parenthood, caring for children and aging parents. How these factors may uniquely affect women is not yet fully understood."

"For both women and men, rates of major depression are highest among the separated and divorced, and lowest among the married, while remaining always higher for women than for men. The quality of a marriage, however, may contribute significantly to depression. Lack of an intimate, confiding relationship, as well as overt marital disputes, have been shown to be related to depression in women. In fact, rates of depression were shown to be highest among unhappily married women."

"Researchers have confirmed that hormones have an effect on brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood; a specific biological mechanism explaining hormonal involvement is not known, however."

"In addition, motherhood may be a time of heightened risk for depression because of the stress and demands it imposes."

Now, I don't want to make this research fit how I want it to, but coming from my own personal experiences and experiences of others, I am going to try to make some statements that make sense to me. I never felt like I had the baby blues - the few months after having the baby- but there have been times in my young mother life that I have felt "blue-ish." I mean, why not - hormones, tiredness, worrying, loss of control, financial problems, marital problems. Having children is a huge change in a couple's life and whether we like it or not. Then the hormones - being tired after staying up with sick kids or trying to get them to sleep, worring about the children's saftey and health and education, feeling a loss of control when the children don't behave perfectly -( wouldn't it be nice if the children always acted the way they were suppose to?), saving money on the children's ever changing wardrobes and cutting costs on the groceries, and marital problems! Isn't it a given that among all that choas there will be some marital problems? Every individual has different issues, they also handle them all differently - but shouldn't we expect that mothers of young children will feel depressed at times. There are so many expectations of mothers and unless a woman has someone to speak with on these issues, why wouldn't she be depressed? Doesn't that make you want to call up a mother of young children right now and ask her what you can do to help? What is it about women that have already been through that time in their life - it is like they have forgotten how hard it is and since they have gotten through it - so can young mothers of today.

I just want to end this post with a story about a friend. She has three young children. She worries about her children's health often - for good reason. Her husband doesn't work close to home, so he isn't at home every night. She feels like a single parent most of the time. Recently, she has had some health issues as well. Now tell me why she shouldn't feel a little blue at times and that maybe I should be concerned about her well being? Some mothers told me the other night that being a mother doesn't get easier. I felt like they were downplaying this season of my life - but I don't think that I totally agree with them. Of course I will always be concerned about my children, but these three little ones that I have now are so dependent on me - they are very needy. That is a little overwhelming.

I guess what my thought is, I think that many young mothers may suffer from depression of some sort from time to time. And that made me think of some scripture - "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7

Mens Retreat

Well, I started this blog because I wanted to get ideas for a message that I am doing for a Men's Retreat. I am not for sure why I agreed to do this because I am not for sure for sure how to approach it and why the audience cares. The man who asked me gave me a broad statement - to talk about what it is like to be a mother of young children. Maybe, because men don't understand. Well, in a month I will be doing this and as much as this blog has helped me get some ideas, I am still feeling overwhelmed by the thought of what I should talk about. So if you have some ideas, I would like to hear them. Even if there are any resources out there that might help me or scripture. I always feel like scripture is always the way to go when speaking about anything. Thank you.

So How Many Diapers Have You Changed?

Having 3 little children, changing diapers is a way of life. Of course my husband pitches in when he feels like it - but I am the primary diaper changer. I have 2 in diapers at the moment. My oldest took until she was almost 3 before she was out of diapers and I still have her in pull ups at night. I would really like to get her out of pull ups. I could get up in the middle of the night and have her go - but that doesn't work in my life right now. She shares a room with her 2 year old brother - I wouldn't want to wake him up. The baby sleeps in our room and I would hate to wake him up - he is a light sleeper. I am a heavy sleeper and it is hard to get me woken up when I finally get to sleep. I have started to potty train my 2 year old, but I think I am going to stop and hold off for a few weeks.

So up until now I have approximated that I have changed 8,230 diapers. Can you believe all that money that has been spent? All that money in the garbage, literally. I don't know how mothers use to do cloth diapers. Wow! All the laundry. I use to think if I was a stay at home mother that I would use cloth diapers - I obviously changed my mind. I guess if I was doing the wash, I would be motivated to potty-train a little sooner. What I should do is calculate all the money going to diapers - that should motivate me.

I have been very blessed with diapers for gifts. For my first baby and my third baby I have been given diaper showers. What a blessing! For both babies I had enough diapers to last 6 months. My youngest is almost 7 months and I am on my last package. I have already taken about a dozen packages back to the store because he grew out of that size. So I can't say that I have bought all the diapers. The diapers that I buy are not the expensive name brand kind either. I save between $4-$8 just buying cheaper diapers and they work just as well. I know because I have tried them all considering I had the diaper showers. Just for fun, if I did buy them all at the price I usually pay I would have spent around $1646.

Not only have I changed diapers - some very gross diapers - I have been squirted at by both ends and I have had to help a very constipated child push it out. I have had a child play in it, not once - but twice. She wiped it all over the walls and toys and books. Could you imagine my horror of finding another place where she wiped it weeks later? That was my first, what is in store for my second and third? All I know is that this is a life of a mother - poop, pee - the consistency of it - the color of it. I never knew that I would be so interested in poop. And if I miss my guess, I will someday miss it. Is that true?