Our 8th Anniversary

My husband and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage last night. On one hand, it doesn't seem like we have been married that long and on the other hand - it seems longer - like we have been together for ever. We started dating, though, 12 years ago.
The first time I remember seeing him, it was Parents Weekend at the college. That year I was a Senior in Highschool. He was playing soccer and I loved just looking at him. I would go to the college with my mother throughout the year. Mom went to watch my brothers play basketball, I went to go watch this cute guy. Come to find out later, that he had noticed me too. Back in highschool, all I could think about was him. One of my friends even said to me that I would probably end up marrying him. I just thought that was ridiculous - every gorgeous guy that I had a crush on had no idea I was alive.
He was the deciding factor of why I chose to go to that college - probably not the best reason in deciding to go to a college - but I was young and it turned out all good. He asked me out almost immediately and the rest is history. We, of course, had many ups and downs. He has taught me alot and I hope that I have taught him too - I think I have. It is amazing that in 8
(12?) years we have grown so much alike. What I can't get over is the fact of how much I love him. I sometimes wonder why I married him - I didn't appreciate him as much as I should have or loved him as much as I should have. But I suppose that is how it is suppose to be, growing appreciation for your spouse through the years. It can hold a marriage together in tough times. I think that is God's plan.
That brings me to my comment and I am sure I will have some who will disagree with me, but I will state it anyway. I think that as long as any man and any woman are Christians and they are trying to live as Christ did and stick to God's commands, they can be married happily. If they,"do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better then themselves" and if they "look not only to their own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3&4) I know that my marriage has a long way to go, let's face it we are selfish beings. My husband and I don't always see eye to eye. He is a great guy and he amazes me with all he can do, but he may not have been the right guy for me. Maybe no one was the right one for me. I do know that it doesn't matter anymore, because He is a Christian. I do know, now, that he is the perfect one for me. We still have a lot of growing and learning, but I am thankful for my husband. The one thing that I need to get better at is praying daily for my husband. I think that is my new goal for our 9th year. I have tried in the past, but making time for quiet time is hard. Please keep me accountable about praying time for my husband.
If you are married, you might need a little marriage enrichment. Go to marriage.eharmony.com You will take a quiz and get some insights to your marriage. Kirk and I are in the middle of using their free offer( some of it costs money though). I will let you know what I think about it in another blog. God Bless and I hope that God is in your marriage. That is the only way to be married.

Rebecca

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three
Children outside, still
In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
Food boxes and wrappers
Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was
The front door to the house
And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding
Into the entry, he found
An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked
Over, and the throw rug was
Wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a
Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
And various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink,
Breakfast food was spilled on the
Counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog
Food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a
Small pile of sand was spread
By the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
Toys and more piles of
Clothes,looking for his wife. He was worried
She might be ill, or that
Something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it
Made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels,
Scummy soap and more toys
Strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
Heap and toothpaste had been
Smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife
Still curled up in the bed
In her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up
At him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What
Happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every
Day when you come home
From work and you ask me what in the world I do all
Day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

The other day a newly married lady without kids and pursuing her career asked me what I did that day. She was just just trying to make conversation. I thought for a moment and then I said, "Not much." I just couldn't think of anything to say that was that exciting. I got the kids breakfast, I got them dressed, I got their hair and teeth brushed, I got them busy doing something while I cleaned up and took care of the baby. I did some activities with the kids - then "Oh, look at the time it is time for lunch!" I quickly try to whip up something for lunch - clean up, put the kids down for a nap. Oh the baby woke up - spend time with the baby as I try to pick up and make the house look presentable - maybe set down and rest. The kids are up, I get them busy while I make supper - cleanup - maybe a bath and then to bed.
Just recently someone sent me the above email and it hit home - I spend my day doing things that make it look like I haven't done much. My husband has also made the comment that he could get more done in a day if he stayed home with the kids. I actually do not doubt that he could get more visible things done. It is easy to sit them in front of the T.V. while you get things done and I must admit that I do use this technique more than I like to admit, but I do know that I try to spend time with them. How many times have I sat in the bathroom with my child for more than 20 minutes trying to potty train them or helping them have a bowel movement? How many times has it taken a whole morning trying to pick up and organize a whole playroom instead of throwing it all in the toy box. How many times have I burnt dinner because I had to help a child who needed me? How many times have I sat wondering if my sick child is sick enough to see the doctor? How many times have a sat and read "one more story." I could keep going. Could I be a little bit more organized and disciplined - yes - but please understand that a mother can be busy doing important work without getting the visible work accomplished. I did get pretty sick this spring and I was laid up for awhile. I think that through that time, my husband did start to understand what goes on daily with little children and he doesn't make comments like that anymore.

“It’s not about me, it‘s about God”

That’s a phrase that I have to keep repeating to myself. It helps me get out of the feel sorry for me syndrome. Becoming a mother has been a huge change in my life. I thought, as I have said earlier, that I would have done it more naturally. Typically I am an easy going person and I don’t let things stress me out - unless I have put them off until the last moment. I have found out that mothering is and can be a lot of last moments. Trying to get somewhere, trying to make supper before bath time, trying to give the kids a bath before bedtime, etc. Normally I am calm, but in some of those hectic moments - I just need to say, “it is not about me.”

Everything I do and say is being imprinted on my children’s little minds. They are taking everything in and learning from me. Wow! That is a big responsibility. It can be a little overwhelming too. But then again, I just need to say, “It’s not about me, it is about God.” I can’t be so overwhelmed about my actions or what may happen to my kids otherwise I will wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. That is what happened to me the other night. My daughter was playing around the pool with her cousin Alex and she lost her balance and fell in. We have been teaching her some swimming techniques, but we still have her in a life jacket while she is swimming. When I got to the pool, prepared to jump in, she had bobbed back up. I grabbed her up. She was a little scared, but we talked about how good she did kicking to come back up. After the incident happened, I was talking to my mother about it. And we discussed stories about how little ones sometimes get lost in the shuffle and then they end up getting seriously hurt or being killed or being abducted. So about 3 a.m. I woke up and just started to panic. You see, being the primary care-giver to three little ones is a huge responsibility - especially in this day of age. There are so many warnings and things mothers need to know about. Don’t let your child play with this, don’t let your child eat this, don’t leave your child here, watch for this if your child is sick, etc. What got me calmed down? Saying, “It’s not about me, it’s about God.” I have to give my kids to God. Since I am not super human - I cannot protect my kids from everything. I have to know that whatever happens its about God, not me.

The main reason I am writing about this is because for months I was walking around thinking about me. In many ways that stressed me out because I was putting so much pressure on myself to be a perfect mother. Of course I was thinking about caring for my kids, but in many ways I left God out of the equation. I can’t put my kids before my relationship with God. ( Is that a form of idolatry?) It is very easy to do because they are so needy. If the baby doesn’t get fed or changed, he cries. Putting God first in my life, before the kids, does not mean to not keep them safe or not take care of their needs, but it helps me keep my life in perspective. Therefore, it helps with those hectic moments and it helps me be a better mother - it is not about me, it is about God!

One last note, that is why we young mothers need wise, Christian older women to keep us accountable. We need to be reminded to put God first. Just because I seem to have it figured out doesn't mean that I won't fall back into a rut and go on auto-pilot mothering. I hope that older wiser women will wake up and become mentors to the younger women. (Titus 2:3-5) I just want to thank my mother and grandmothers for their wonderful examples to me.

One Flaw in Women

I got this as an email and I wanted to share it with you. I don't know who originally wrote it, but I think that it is true.

One Flaw In Women

     Women have strengths that amaze men.

     They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

     but they hold happiness, love and joy.

     They smile when they want to scream.

     They sing when they want to cry.

     They cry when they are happy

     and laugh when they are nervous.

     They fight for what they believe in.

     They stand up to injustice.

     They don't take "no" for an answer

     when they believe there is a better solution.

     They go without so their family can have.

     They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

     They love unconditionally.

     They cry when their children excel

     and cheer when their friends get awards.

     They are happy when they hear about

     a birth or a wedding.

     Their hearts break when a friend dies.

     They grieve at the loss of a family member,

     yet they are strong when they

     think there is no strength left.

     They know that a hug and a kiss

     can heal a broken heart.

     Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

     They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

     to show how much they care about you.

     The heart of a woman is what

     makes the world keep turning.

     They bring joy, hope and love.

     They have compassion and ideas.

     They give moral support to their

     family and friends.

     Women have vital things to say

     and everything to give.

     HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

     IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Womanly Guidance

Why is it that other people seem to think that they know what my baby is thinking or needing? My 5 month old was fussing and couple of older grandmotherly ladies tried to tell me it was one thing. I was tired at the time and I was trying to keep up good appearances, but it really annoyed me. I hardly knew these ladies. I know that they had good intentions, but this is my third child for heaven's sake.

After having said that, I also know the impotance of having experienced women in your life to help give guidance as I raise my kids. I just would appreciate that they would have a relationship with me before they stick an oar in.

In the Bible, it talks about the older women guiding the younger women. I don't think that enough older women are doing that. I want to encourage older women to get involved in younger women's lives - especially if they have young children. Get to know them and in loving example help them in their walk. I know being so far from home, my mother doesn't have the chance to help as much as she could. I was ill after having my last child. Looking back, I wished that I had someone to come and give me spiritual wisdom and motherly wisdom. It was hard to be a mother while I was suppose to be resting. I was taken care of tremendously by the ladies of my church and my husband, but I guess I needed a little more and just recently figured out what it was. It is my hope that I will let God use me in such a way to minister to other ladies. Isn't that just the way God is, using your circumstances to help you become a better person.

How Did Our Mothers Do It?

It is hard to find free time to write my blog. There is always something else that I should be doing, like right now, I should be putting laundry away. When I do sit down and think about what I want to write about - I go blank. There are times during my day when I have an idea, but now that I sit here I can’t quite remember what I meant to say. I know that writers keep note pads by their beds so they can jot notes during the night. That just couldn’t work for me because my kids would find it and take it and I wouldn’t find it when I needed it. That is why I titled my blog, “ Sleepy Thoughts…..” They will usually be sleepy and they are most likely just thoughts.

My family just got back from a trip from the Midwest. We drove 24 hours to get there - straight through. My kids were real troopers - although it helped to have a double dvd player for them to watch. We attended a family reunion on one side of the family and a 50th wedding anniversary party on the other. I loved seeing all the cousins and all their little children. In my case, I felt like I didn’t have as much time to visit because I was too busy caring for my little family.

I try to remember that this time in my life is short and soon they won’t need or want my help as they get older. I try to remember that I will miss the days when they were little and I try to embrace each day as it comes. How did our moms or grandmothers do it? It reminds me of the time when I was pregnant with my second child and I was having a few issues with my first while at the grocery store. I made the comment to me husband about how I was going to deal with an infant and my 2 year old on outings such as grocery shopping. My husband made the remark, “lots of other women have done it.” It was said with no compassion and it really irked me, so I try not to make comments like that anymore. I managed quite well with two. Well, after having my third, I was really ill and didn’t make it out of the house much until just recently. About a month ago, I finally took all three out. The first time was a short Walmart trip and it went great. The second was a Walmart and a grocery store trip - I think that I bit off a little more than I could chew. Walmart was busy and I ended up having an old man in one of those electric cart chair things yell at me. I guess I got in his way. I was trying to maneuver around several things and keep my 4 year old with me, I really didn’t see him. Then we went to the grocery store. They actually did pretty well, but towards the end all 3 were fussing. While I was trying to bag my own groceries, my little one was crying. I had him in a front pack so it was hard to manage some of the heavier items. I could tell that everyone was looking at me. Was it compassion that I saw in their eyes or annoyance? I don’t know, I was trying to get done as soon as possible otherwise my 2 year old was going to get into mischief. I actually felt like crying by the time we made it to the car, but I didn’t. I just wonder, how my husband would have handled the situation? And the question is, am I going to try that again anytime soon? I will let you know.

Being a Wife and Mother Doesn't Always Come Naturally
Part 2

Expectations. I took a college class called Adjusting to Marriage. It was a great class to take to prepare one to get married and to help others prepare for marriage. Everyone has different expectations when they enter a marriage relationship. Since everyone comes from different backgrounds, people have different ideas of how relationships work. Who takes care of the bills, who takes care of car maintenance, who makes the meals, how many children they want, who mows the lawn, who does the laundry, etc. are some of topics that should be discussed. Those are simple things to talk about, but it is amazing how people look at them differently. Once a couple is married, it would make life more manageable if some of those expectations were already discussed. I have found that it is after marriage the debate begins about the “correct” way to get a particular job done. Did you know that there is a correct way to put the dishes in the dishwasher or to fold jeans?

I feel like this is also true about being a mother. I have put some unrealistic expectations onto myself and sometimes it is very hard to live up to them. Besides, my husband has his own expectations of what I should be as a mother based on his remembrances of what his own mother was like. That is why I wrote that not feeling like being wife and a mother came naturally. It is hard work being a wife and mother, it is not easy or natural all the time. That being said, I love being my kids’ mother. They are so sweet and are true blessings. I also enjoy the challenge of being married to my husband. I do say challenge - he stretches me out of my comfort zone. I know that I have been good for him because he is a lot sweeter than when I first married him.

Some women may not have so many expectations about motherhood, in many ways that could make life less stressful. In fact that is what I recommend - Not to stress over the little things. If hair isn’t always brushed, if there are still dishes in the sink, if I get home from the grocery store and still don’t know what to fix for lunch - it will be okay. It is a stage of my life that will be over before I know it. I just have to keep telling myself that. Just one more note before I go. I do believe that the majority of women are not prepared for motherhood when it comes upon them - whether the mom has a job or not. For the most part, motherhood is a learn as you go kind of job. Thankfully, I have a great support system and a heavenly Father that help me through such an important job.

Being a Wife and Mother Doesn't Always Come Naturally

I need to speak at a men's retreat for my church about being a wife and mother of young children. I want to be able to use this blog to springboard any ideas and thoughts I have and I hope that others respond.
I love to read, especially fiction. ( My reading has been minimal since having children.) In the historical reading that I have done, it seems like girls are raised to be wives and mothers - I think that for the most part, that is true. In today's society in which I grew up, I feel like this isn't the case. Every child is told that they can be anything that they want to be. Girls can have a career if they want - they can do it all. I wonder if that is so much the focus, that girls don't learn and focus on being a wife and mother. I don't want to say that my parents didn't raise me well, but I do know that sometimes I feel like being a mother and a wife doesn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would.
I have more to write on this subject, but my kids need me and I need to go.