No Electricity!

Yesterday, our electricity went out for about 8 hours. (Just our block - I guess there was a faulty transformer). I can handle a few hours with no electricity, but after a while it wore out its welcome. I couldn't do laundry AND I couldn't make a hot supper AND I couldn't use our phone ( I don't have a cell phone.) Plus, I didn't have many candles. I just wasn't prepared for a power outage. After getting some pizza from Round Table and after playing some games of Hide and Seek, we still had a good hour before it was time to get ready for bed. So we decided to go to Walmart to walk around. We couldn't buy anything because we didn't have any extra money in our budget, so we just walked around.

As annoying as it was that we didn't have electricity (I couldn't watch my American Idol - I missed all the perfomances!) It actually was a needed distraction in our life. We wouldn't have done those things if the power had been on. Usually when the family plays Hide and Seek - I don't play. We don't usually go to Walmart as a family - even though we couldn't buy much, it was fun just to be out. AND don't I love not having to make the meal - that was a plus.

That just makes me think about one of my favorite church songs from my childhood - Count Your Blessings. I am truly blessed.

Prayer Request

I have many things that are requiring my attention lately and I am feeling overwhelmed by them. So much so that I keep putting them off and they just need to get done. Besides that, we are going to probably have to move and I am not sure how it is going to work out. Last night, my youngest was not sleeping well - crying no matter what I did. After I got him to sleep, I just laid there thinking of all the things that need to be done and then the fact that I don't know where we would move to if we have to move - the owners of the house that we are renting from have been looking at selling the house. We would love to be able to buy, but we have obstacles in our way - I just don't see how we could. Housing cost in CA is crazy! When we first moved to CA, we lived in an apartment, but it got too crowded. Finding this house to rent, that was in a decent neighborhood with a park and good school close by and in our price range was a great blessing. (it wasn't a beautiful house, but it worked for us.) We have lived here for a year and a half. I am asking for your prayers. Help me get my mind focused to get done what needs to get done and when we have to move out, that we will find what we need. Thank you!

Communion Devotion

*I was suppose to give a communion devotion for church yesterday. About a month before hand I was fretting because I wasn't for sure what to talk about - the angle. Well, I stumbled on a blog called "Silver Bullets" and he had a great message. I asked Tom if I could use his thoughts and I turned it into a great communion meditation. I got a lot of comments on it so I thought I would post it.

Neil Clark Warren, Christian psychologist and founder of eharmony.com, has said that he would like to change the frequency of the marriage vow. He said, “Instead of it being taken once in a lifetime under stressful conditions, I suggest that it needs to be said 2 to 3 times a week for the first 10 years and at least once a week for the rest of marriage. Why? To maintain a steady focus on the promises that form the steel framework of marriage. With this structure in place, it is more likely that commitment will shape the attitudes of the person.”

I think that we all could agree that being married can be hard work. "During stressful times in marriage, wedding vows seem like yesterday’s news, but it is in the repetition of our vows that can renew our commitment."

I am going to suggest to you that our relationship with Christ is much like a marriage and I think we all can agree that this relationship can be hard work at times. Look at it like this, Baptism is like a wedding. It is our statement of trust in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus for our salvation. Participation in the Lord’s Supper is renewing that statement of trust.

I Corinthians 11:26 says, “For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes.”

"In modern western culture, we have devalued the necessity and power of ritual." Just as in marriage, spouses take their vows lightly and each other for granted, we as Christians can take our baptism lightly and forget the importance of communion. As marriage partners, if we are continually reminded of the vows we took during the good and bad times, that reminder could strengthen our marriage. As Christians when we take part in communion during the good times and the bad times, we strengthen our trust and renew our faith each week in the Lord. Sometimes communion once a week is not too often.

Let us pray. “Heavenly Father, Some of us here today are living the good life and some of us here are struggling. Whether in good times or bad times, ‘We proclaim our Lord’s death until He comes.’ Help us to do that today and everyday. In Jesus name, Amen.”

Mark 1:40-45

Mark 1:40-45 talks about Jesus healing a man who had leprosy. Jesus asked him to not tell anyone, but to instead take an offering. But what did the man do? Of course, he went and told everyone. Why did Jesus do this? Of course He had to have known that this man wasn't going to do what He asked.

I know as a parent that I am always disappointed when my children do something after I have told them not to, especially if it is something that could hurt them. After this healed man told everyone, Jesus had to stop going into a town openly, but He stayed outside in "lonely places." The Bible says that people still came to Him from everywhere.

I just wonder what the consequence is of this man not doing what Jesus asked him. Is that what Jesus didn't want? He didn't want to have to stay in lonely places - He wanted to be able to walk about freely? Is that just a testament to how God works? - to be able to make a negative into a positive. Even though Jesus couldn't walk about openly, He still ministered to people (vs 45.)

I don't know if my questions quite make sense. I just think that God could do anything so what is the point of Jesus telling that man to not tell anybody except to give him a choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing. And that is my conclusion. We can make a decision to do what Jesus tells us to or not. He may not be happy with our choice, and there may be a negative that comes from it, but He can always turn that negative into ways that Glorify Him. Thank Goodness for that.

Manna

So have you thought about how the Israelites had to eat manna and quail for 40 years in the wilderness. That is my understanding - that they ate that for their meals for the majority of their wilderness wandering. Maybe I should remind my husband of that after we have had bologna sandwiches for lunch, 5 days in a row.

Bible Reading

Okay, I got behind on my reading. I was planning on telling you all my excuses, but as much as these excuses may be plausible - they are still excuses. It took me until today to get caught up. The thing about reading the Bible through in a year is that it does not take that long to do the daily reading, but once you start getting behind - it is overwhelming. Thanks for keeping me accountable.

My Baby

My youngest son is a mamma's boy. He and I have been inseparable since he was born. Well, in a little more than a week he will be 1. Age 1 is the time when I wean my babies. So we have started to give him sippy cups and he has been eating more table food. Already, I can see him changing. The other day, I was cleaning out my cupboards and I stumbled on baby bottles, milk storage bags, pacifiers, and my pump. It was heart wrenching to throw it all in the trash. To know that unless there was a miracle, I was never going to have another baby.

My husband is ready to move on to the next chapter in our life, but I am not completely ready. Of course I will enjoy all my babies not being so dependent on me as they get older, but I think in some ways I enjoy being needed so much.

The main reason why I started this post was to talk about the baby finally sleeping in his crib. After the baby was born, I got extremely ill and it was hard to move around, so I kept him near me. He slept right next to me. I think that is one reason that he is such a mama's boy. Well, after I got better - it took months, it was hard to get him to sleep away from me. I don't like to leave a baby crying, but it got to the point that it was ridiculous holding him all the time. I had other things to do and he was getting too big. I couldn't leave him on the couch because he would roll off and it wasn't always the quietest of places. He would cry for 45 minutes in his crib and never once go to sleep. After trying a technique that I saw on The Super Nanny, he is finally taking naps in his bed without crying at all and he starts the night in his bed. He only sleeps for a couple of hours - but it is a start.

Just now I left him for his nap and I am so proud of how he laid down and went right to sleep. Before he would have cried and cried. I have been spoiled because my other two children have been good nappers and I felt helpless with this one. This being my third one, shouldn't I be a pro? Obviously not.

By the way - I am starting my One Year Bible on Thursday. Anyone want to do it with me?

I Finished!

I have been trying to read a chronological Bible for about 4 years now - from beginning to end. I would be doing really well, reading a little everyday and then other days - not at all. The thing I discovered about reading the Bible from cover to cover is that it is hard. If you know me very well, you know that I love to read. I can't just read anything, it is something that has to tickle my fancy. And when I get into a book, I can't put it down until I am done. I have been known to read all day and all night just to get a book done. Well, since I have had kids that doesn't happen too much - okay not at all. It is not that I didn't get into reading the Bible, there were times I did. There were other times, however, that I felt that it was too hard to read - my mind was bogged down with all that I was reading. So then I wouldn't read for months, until I finally would get the nerve to start again. Well, today I finished it. I am feeling excited that I finished it, but my heart is still digesting some of what I read in Revelation. That is a heavy book. Whew!

I had meant to finish by the first of January, but that didn't happen. My new goal is to read the Bible in a year. Right Rebecca, it took you 4 years to finish the Chronological Bible - what makes you think you can do it in 1 year. Well, I am seeking your help. I am hoping that you will check up on me and keep me accountable. I have an actual Bible that is set up to read in 1 year. I am going to start in the month of February. It would be even more exciting if you read with me. Think about it.

Sleeping

I can't wait until I can sleep like I use to sleep. You know that kind of sleep that is selfish. That kind of sleep that is all about you. As soon as your head hits the pillow you are asleep and you sleep all night through. Not only that, you can snuggle into your warm covers and enjoy the softness of your bed.

The only reason why I am thinking about those wonderful memories is that I have been suffering with a cold off and on for the last month. I thought that I was better and then a week later I have another cold. It is when I am sick that I want to be comforted and do comforting things like sleeping and taking a hot steamy shower. Well - I am finding out that as a mother of 3 beautiful children that is almost impossible. There were days that I was so miserable that it was a stay-home- from- work kind of miserable and yet I can't because my work is at home and these sweet little munchkins really don't care about the way I am feeling. Especially since they have been suffering from this cold as well, especially the baby. That means that he is needing extra attention.

My husband does help as best as he can, but he has been extra busy this time of year. In fact he was gone all weekend on a retreat with junior highers. I should have been with him on this retreat - which would have been better - having a cold or chaperoning junior highers?

Ephesians 5:14 says, "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."

It is important to get your rest and sleep and it is important to have time for yourself. But as I was feeling sorry for myself this verse popped into my head. (This verse isn't really talking about resting sleep, but about waking up from the way some people were living.) In today's culture, a lot is put on selfish needs and wants. I need these kind of clothes, I need to have my nails done, I need these kind of products for my hair, I need to take a 45 minute shower, I need an hour to get ready, I need my sleep otherwise I am grouchy, I need to have Starbucks everyday, etc. These things have not made us better people. These things make us grouchy when we don't get what we want when we want it. Being a youth sponsor, I see kids that are raised that way. What kind of adult "Christians" are they going to be?

"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:15-21

Someday I may get that much wanted sleep and when I do I will appreciate it, but until then I choose to be thankful for what I do have and the luxuries that I do enjoy.

The Santa Claus Question

I have a question to ask you all as you are getting ready for the big Christmas day. It has been my firm belief for many years that Santa Claus was not going to be a part of our Christmas. Now, my daughter has asked me if he was real and my reply was that some people think that he is real and I have told her about the tradition of St. Nick. My husband has even gone as far as telling her that he is not real. Well, she has decided that she is going to believe in him anyway.

So my question is, how do all of you or how have you dealt with the big Santa Claus dilemma. And please, mom and dad and brothers don't tell me that whatever radio station tracks Santa on Christmas Eve. You had me crying once and I don't want to go through that again.

I do need your advice so that I can make peace with my decision - I might give in and lie to my children. I am in the middle of the road on this one. Up until now we have done a birthday cake for Jesus and we will continue with that tradition.

Anyway, I hope that you have a Merry Christmas and that all the shopping is done, so you can enjoy the whole weekend.

JTB

My church does a ministry every December that is an interactive nativity. People come from all around to become part of a family going from Nazareth to Bethlehem to pay taxes. Along the way they see a map maker, Roman soldiers, other Jews, the Wise Men, the Shepherds and the Angel, beggars, thieves, the tax collector, the Bethlehem marketplace, the Innkeeper, and then Mary and Joseph. My husband and I are tour leaders. We become a Jewish family who take the group of people on the mile journey. It is amazing how many people that came through and how many lives that are touched by the ministry of our church. We get around 8,000 - 10,000 people to come through. This is the 10th year for our church to do this and it gets better every year.

It has really made this time special for me and it jump starts the specialness of the holiday. I wish that everyone could come and participate in this ministry. I hope that you will take time during the busyness of this Christmas season to remember what is really important and make it extra special.

Spiritual Disciplines

I received a handout in my Bible Study called, "Taking the 'Ugh' Out of Spiritual Disciplines." It is taken from the "Thin Within" newsletters. I think that disciplines should draw someone closer to God, but many times when we don't do them we start feeling guilty. Then when we finally do draw near to God we don't freely enter God's prescence. Here are some thoughts from the handout that spoke to me and I hope that they speak to you as well.

I believe any intentional practice that turns your heart toward God, deepens your relationship with Him, and transforms you to be more Christ-like, however slightly or slowly, is worth incorporating in your life as a spiritual excercise.

I know a pastor who began making the bed each morning as a spiritual discipline. By faithfully doing so, he engaged in an intentional act of loving and serving his wife.

Spiritual habits help us watch ourselves closely. They impress God's word on our souls and help us keep God in the forefront of our thoughts.

The appropriate purpose for engaging in disciplines is to grow closer to our God and become the people He created us to be. Our purpose is not to curry favor with God or earn points.

Certain disciplines help us draw near to God;others build godly character; still others help us avoid that which pulls us away from God and numbs our sensitivity to Him and others.

As a stay-at-home mommy I have fallen short of my Spiritual Disciplines. Having a baby consumes my time and energy and everything is about the baby. As the baby grows and becomes more independent, there is some extra time, but in my case I had another baby - so the cycle starts over. I also think that I have gotten out of practice. I want to encourage all of you to continue in spiritual disciplines. We need to watch our hearts and remember that these disiciplines do not make us better than others, then we may be like the Pharisees in Bible times. But when we do these disciplines, they grown us, they protect us, and they can comfort us. We build spiritual disciplines like we excercise. Something that we do everyday, in the same way - Bible study, prayer, serving others. If any of you have a way that you practice spiritual disciplines, please share it. I would love to hear from you.

Holiday Ideas

Today my Mom's Club meeting was about holiday entertaining. I didn't realize it at the time, but it made me realize that I didn't have any real plans for Thanksgiving. Listening to everyone talk about getting together with family made me homesick. I miss getting together with family and it looks like we won't be going back to the midwest until next summer or the next Christmas.

I want to make this Thanksgiving and Christmas memorable - they gave lots of good ideas today at Mom's Club, but I wonder if anyone in my own little family will care about any special details that I will try to put into the holidays. So this afternoon I was feeling a little disheartened.

I did get some good ideas. One that I want to share with you is a Thanksgiving Tablecloth. Get a white tablecloth and have everyone at your Thanksgiving celebration write what they are thankful for on it with a permanent marker. Every year get out the tablecloth and add to it. I thought that was a beautiful idea - kind of like a growth chart. Every year you see how much you have "grown."

Another idea is a recipe. It is a Baked French Toast recipe. It would be perfect for Thanksgiving morning or Christmas morning.

1 loaf Sweet French Bread (13- 16 ounces)
8 large eggs
2 cups half and half
1 cup milk
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash of salt
Praline Topping (recipe follows)
Maple Syrup

Slice French bread into about 16 slices. Arrange slices in a gererously buttered 9x13 inch baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half and half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Whisk until blended, but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk/egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight. Make Praline topping.

1 cup butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
2 Tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well. Set aside until morning.

The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup. (Personally, the maple syrup can be omitted - it is perfect without.)

I hope that you all will have a wonderful Thanksgiving - it is coming fast. I want to encourage everyone to make it special. Include the children and do special projects. And please pray that my little family and I will find a way to have a memorable holiday season.

Feeling Sick

Today I had Oprah on and it left me sick. She had on a teenage girl who killed her baby, (I think while she was still pregnant) and left him somewhere. I actually didn't end up watching the show - I turned it off - I thought that I was going to be sick. I heard some of it and I didn't want to hear any more. Now that I am writing this - I am mad. What is the point of hearing her story? To get it out there that people do unthinkable things? That unborn babies aren't "alive" - what? I do not want to sympathize with her and I am afraid having her on the show will cause people to sympathize with her.

I know that we all have done bad - evil - wicked things. I think, though, that we have gotten into a society that either looks over, tries to smooth over other's wrongs or they are the complete opposite and are extreemly condemning. I have no answers, just some frustrations. What I do know is that still thinking about that girl - what she was saying and how she was saying it - still makes me sick to my stomach.

The Invisible Kingdom

I have been going to a mom's club at a nearby church. Right now they are going through a book by Nicole Johnson (Women of Faith Speaker/Dramatist), Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World. This last chapter was called "The Invisible Kingdom." The whole chapter really spoke to me. How many times do we feel invisible. That what we do wasn't seen and appreciated - that may happen to all on many levels. I have felt that is has especially happened after becoming a wife and especially a mother. I would like someone to notice that I just spent an hour working on supper. I would like someone to notice I rearranged or decorated. I would like someone to notice that their clothes finally made it back in their drawers, clean and folded.

Now of course, my chlildren are too little to know better if they do notice. The job then falls on my husband to notice. Isn't it great when he does? Don't I try to notice and say something to my husband when the shoe is on the other foot? Yet it just goes back to me putting my husband where God should be. I know that God notices and he appreciates what I do - what I do isn't for my husband. If that is the way it is, then I will never do it right or what I do won't be noticed or appreciated half as much as it should. What I do should be for the glory of God. The question was asked during the study - how can we do that? My answer is that we have to just keep telling ourselves that truth. What we do is for God - His Glory.

Nicole Johnson writes, "In Lloyd Douglas's book Magnificient Obsession, he reveals the strength of humility in the invisible kingdom. Most people, he points out, broadcast their good deeds and hide their bad deeds. What lives on the inside of a person becomes the total of all the things they are hiding. In a sense, you are a sick as your secrets. A heart then is full of the badness tucked away from the rest of the world - even those closest to it. The greater way to live, he suggests, is to hide your good deeds and openly confess your bad. The strength of a good deed done in secret is increased. When you have done a good thing publicly, you are openly applauded and admired, receiving your credit and any reward right then and there. Then it evaporates. But you should you hold good things inside where others do not applaude, the Scripture implies that God applauds. The negative things are confessed, and they evaporate. The good you do in secret then multiplies in your heart and becomes a building block for your character."

That passage that Nicole Johnson wrote struck me. So today, I am pondering those thoughts in my heart.

More Ways for Men to love their Wives

The following quote was deleted out of my message for the men's retreat, but I decided to post it. I left it out because I already felt I had too much information. Men - these are some ways to love your wives.

Dr. Dobson in his article, To the Husbands of Christian Homemakers, said this, Let me say it more directly. For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against the tide of public opinion - staying at home in her empty neighborhood in the exclusive company of jelly faced toddlers and strong-willed adolescents - it is about time you gave her some help. I’m not merely suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I’m referring to the emotional support of conversation…of making her feel like a lady…of building her ego…of giving her one day of recreation each week…of taking her out to dinner…of telling her that you love her. Without these armaments, she is left defenseless against the foes of the family. But to be honest, many of you husbands and fathers have been thinking about something else. Your wives have been busy attending seminars and reading family literature and studying the Bible, but they can’t even get you to enter a discussion about what they have learned. You’ve been intoxicated with your work and the ego support it provides.

Praying for your Wife

This was a handout I adapted from the Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian. Men, please pray for your wives.

1) Her Husband - Psalm 66:18/1 Cor. 11:11/Eph 5:25-27
2) Her Work - Psalm 90:17
3) Her Finances - Ecc. 5:19/Philippians 4:19
4) Her Sexuality - 1 Cor. 7:3-5
5) Her Affection - Philippians 2:4/Eph 5:28,29/Song of Solomon 2:6
6) Her Temptations - James 1:12/Galatians 5:16,17
7) Her Mind - Romans 1:21/ 2 Tim. 1:7/ 1 Cor. 2:16/ Mark 12:30
8) Her Fears - Ps. 34:4/ Isaiah 41:10
9) Her Purposes - Ps. 20:4/1 Cor. 7:7
10) Her Choices - Pr. 1:28-30/Pr.3:7
11) Her Health - Ps. 103:2,3/2 Kings 20:5/Jer. 33:6
12) Her Protection - Ps 91:1-2/Ps 23:4
13) Her Trials - 1 Pet. 1:6,7/Ps. 55:22
14) Her Integrity - Ps. 7:8/Prov 11:3
15) Her Reputation - Mt.5:6/Ps. 31:17,18
16) Her Relationships - Heb. 10:24,25/Matt. 5:23,24
17) Her Priorities - Mt. 6:33/Philippians 2:4
18) Her Motherhood - Prov. 31:28/1 Tim. 2:15/Pov. 6:20
19) Her Past - Isaiah 43:18,19/2 Cor. 5:7/Eph.4:22-24/Rev.21:4
20) Her Attitude - Ps. 100:4, Ez 18:31
21) Her Marriage - Ecc 4:9,10/ 1 Cor. 7:10,11
22) Her Emotions - Pr. 28:26
23) Her Walk - Eph. 4:1,2/Is. 33:15,16
24) Her Talk - Eph. 4:29/Mt. 12:36/Mt. 15:18
25) Her Repentance - 1 Jn. 3:21,22/Ps.139:23,24
26) Her Deliverance - Ps. 56:13/Eph. 6:12-18
27) Her Obedience - Jer. 7:23/Prov. 3:1-3
28) Her Self-Image - Is. 60:1 / Cor. 3:18/1 Pet. 3:3-4
29) Her Faith - James 1:6-8/Romans 14:23/Mt.17:20
30) Her Future - Jer. 29:11/Ps.27:4

Men's Retreat Part 4

And Lastly, women are influenced by submission. 1Peter 3:1 says that wives need to be submissive to their husbands. What is that? The hated “S” word for Christian women! My dad sent me an article called, “Toward a More Comprehensive Understanding of Wifely Submission.” By Catherine Clark Kroeger. Because my dad liked what she had to say, I went ahead and read it. She wrote the article to dismiss the notion that proper submission “entails a servant-master relationship and that it doesn’t encourage intimacy.” She looked at the word submission in the Greek. I’m not going to try to get into the whole study of the Greek, but this is what she says after her study. “The Greek verb, hupotasso, (the word for submission) has within it many values that can enrich a marriage - to join, associate, identify, support, attach oneself to, or to relate in such a way as to make meaning - this word is not the word for obedience, hupakouo, something enjoined on slaves and children.” I think that the best portrayal of a woman relationship as a mother and a wife is in Proverbs 31. Kroeger says this about Proverbs 31, “Here the model wife is portrayed as a full partner - strong, willing to take new ventures and possessed of good judgment in her own right. Her industry and initiative bring great enrichment to her marriage and her home, and brings praise of her husband and children.” What a gift to a marriage when women and men realize that a woman brings “commitment, loyalty, support, adherence, responsibility, and a desire to create a meaningful relationship.” Barbara Rainey says, “When Dennis loves me the way he is commanded to it is easier for me to submit to him and his leadership.” Men love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

What does this all mean to you men? We women need you. Somewhere the value of men’s leadership has been lost. Men see that women try to do it all. They make money, they take care of the kids, really they do everything. What is there for a man to do? Of course you help and you do a good job - but something is missing. Women don’t have the time for their husbands. Who is the real loser in the women’s movement - not only the children, but also the husbands. We aren’t doing what we are suppose to do. Did God intend for the family to be this way? What can we do about it? What can you do about it? Think about it - our society is spinning out of control. We have dysfunctional families, we have a high divorce rate, there is a rise in drug use, pornography, we have desperate housewives, I could go on and on.


Where do you start? You start with your wife. Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present Himself to the church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing: but that she would be holy and blameless.”

“Sanctify her. Be her spiritual leader. Be sure that your wife has enough time in her daily schedule for personal Bible Study and prayer. Spend time with her in Bible study. Ask her to memorize scripture together. When you make your decisions, explain them on the basis of scripture. Commend her for any biblical traits that she possesses. Be certain that you never criticize her other than on scriptural grounds and she should do the same with you. Encourage her to be faithful in her attendance at church and set a good example yourself. Encourage other opportunities she may have to study scripture. Make dinner an enjoyable time of discussing biblical truth and personal applications of scripture.” (Taken from 10 Ideas a Husband can Help His Wife Grow in Christ by Lou Priolo)

Remember your wife doesn’t need your money to be secure - she needs you. She feels secure when you two feel close, when you make time together a priority - she feels secure when you demonstrate your commitment and you are actively participating in parenting and in life at home. ( taken from “Why Does She Think That Way? Article by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn) I truly believe if women and men start treating each other the way it is talked about in scripture, than the dysfunction that we see now will start to fade.

Finally, Men - Princes of the King, fight for the hearts of your wives and reveal their beauty. Women aren’t the adventure, but catch her up into the adventure of following Jesus with you, her husband, her Prince of the King. (Thank you Tommy)

Then I handed out Prayer sheets to the men so that they can specifically pray for their wives. I adapted it from Stormie O’Martian’s Book, The Power of a Praying Wife. I will post that in the next post.

Thank you to everyone who thought and prayed for me. I am glad that it is over, but it was an important exercise. It made me re-think what I am doing as a wife and mother.

Men's Retreat Part 3

(Readers, you may recognize this as another one of my posts.)

The 3rd influence on women is their health. We can’t get around it, women go through many changes in their body throughout their life. I think that many health experts still don’t understand all there is to know about women’s health, emotions, and hormones. Just when I thought I was done with the roller coaster of the teenage years - then I had to go through the roller coaster of pregnancy and the changes the body goes through after pregnancy. But it isn’t over yet - women whether they have babies or not have to also go through the changes of menopause. I think that some of my hard times that I have been having has to do with hormones - baby blues. So that took me to some research - My research is from the American Psychiatric Association website and the National Institute of Mental Health website. Here are some quotes from their articles.
"Women are approximately two times more likely than men to suffer from major depression and dysthymia."

"Women's risk of depressive symptoms and demoralization is higher among mothers of young children and increases with the number of children in the house."

"Significant loss, a difficult relationship, financial problems, or a major change in life pattern have all been cited as contributors to depressive illness."

"Persons with certain characteristics - pessimistic thinking, low self esteem, a sense of having little control over life events, and a tendency to worry excessively - are more likely to develop depression."

"A variety of factors unique to women's lives are suspected to play a role in developing depression. Research is focused on understanding these, including: reproductive, hormonal, genetic or other biological factors, abuse and oppression; interpersonal factors; and certain psychological and personality characteristics. And yet, specific causes of depression in women remain unclear; many women exposed to these factors do not develop depression."

"Stresses include major responsibilities at home and work, single parenthood, caring for children and aging parents. How these factors may uniquely affect women is not yet fully understood."

"For both women and men, rates of major depression are highest among the separated and divorced, and lowest among the married, while remaining always higher for women than for men. The quality of a marriage, however, may contribute significantly to depression. Lack of an intimate, confiding relationship, as well as overt marital disputes, have been shown to be related to depression in women. In fact, rates of depression were shown to be highest among unhappily married women."

"Researchers have confirmed that hormones have an effect on brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood; a specific biological mechanism explaining hormonal involvement is not known, however."

"In addition, motherhood may be a time of heightened risk for depression because of the stress and demands it imposes."

Now, I don't want to make this research fit how I want it to, but coming from my own personal experiences and experiences of others, I am going to try to make some statements that make sense to me. I never felt like I had the baby blues - the few months after having the baby- but there have been times in my young mother life that I have felt "blue-ish." I mean, why not - hormones, tiredness, worrying, loss of control, financial problems, marital problems. Having children is a huge change in a couple's life whether we like it or not. Then the hormones, being tired after staying up with sick kids or trying to get them to sleep, worrying about the children's safety and health and education, feeling a loss of control when the children don't behave perfectly, saving money on the children's ever changing wardrobes and cutting costs on the groceries, and marital problems! Isn't it a given that among all that chaos there will be some marital problems? Every individual has different issues, they also handle them all differently - but shouldn't we expect that mothers of young children will feel depressed at times. There are so many expectations of mothers and unless a woman has someone to speak with on these issues, why wouldn't she be depressed?

I have a friend. She has three young children. She worries about her children's health often - for good reason. Her husband doesn't work close to home, so he isn't at home every night. She feels like a single parent most of the time. Recently, she has had some health issues as well. Now tell me why she shouldn't feel a little blue at times and that maybe I should be concerned about her well being?

I guess what my thought is, I think that many young mothers may suffer from depression of some sort from time to time. And that made me think of some scripture - "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7 I don’t know if everyone will agree on the way I use this verse, but it speaks so strongly to me - women are influenced by their health - mental and physical.

Men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Men's Retreat Part 2

The second influence is the Influence of Feminism. I didn’t realize what a hot topic this was. Dr. James Dobson had this to say about it in his article “To the Husbands of Christian Homemakers.”
“It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything that they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined. 1)The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman’s time suffers unrelenting bombardment. 2)The idea that wives should yield to the leadership of their husbands, as commanded in Ephesians 5:21-33 is considered almost medieval in its stupidity. 3)The concept that a man and woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.4)The belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody. 5)The description of the ideal wife and mother, as offered in Proverbs 31:10-31 is now unthinkable for the modern woman. 6)The role of the female as the help-meet, bread-maker, wound-patcher, love-giver, home-builder and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting. All of these deeply ingrained values, which many of your wives are trying desperately to sustain, are continually exposed to the wrath of hell itself. The Western media - radio, television, and the press - are working relentlessly to shred the last vestiges of Christian tradition. And your wives who believe in that spiritual heritage are virtually hanging by their thumbs! They are made to feel stupid and old-fashioned and unfulfilled, and in many cases, their self-esteem is suffering irreparable damage. They are fighting a sweeping social movement with very little support from everyone.”

When I first read the article, I thought Dr. Dobson was being a little out there and radical. Then someone sent me a topic that was discussed on Good Morning America. It opened a whole new can of worms for me and maybe Dobson was right on. A woman wrote an article for “London’s Daily Mail” about how her children bore her. She said that going to her children’s events were boring and that she begs her nanny to stay overtime just to read her children bedtime stories. Of course that has sparked some controversy - what mother doesn’t want to love and nurture her children by spending time with and rooting them on? GMA wanted women to write in their thoughts and they had different panels of women on to express their views. They called it “Mommy Wars.“ One lady in particular - a feminist commentator, Linda Hirshman, says that stay-at-home moms are wasting their talents by not focusing on higher education and career pursuits. “Educated, interesting women can’t be fulfilled at home.” “Staying at home is like riding a motorcycle without a helmet.” - it is your choice to ride without a helmet, but it isn’t safe. She says that, “Social statistics say kids aren’t any worse off” if the mother works. That stay at home moms are letting down the team - the other women in the workplace.

Can you believe that? But she is just a radical feminist - what do other women think? I found another article published in England entitled “Motherhood is boring, say Young Women.” The article talks about a study in which young women fear that having children will “undermine their sense of identity.” “One in four women who turns 30 this year will never have children.” Bea Campbell, a feminist writer, “says that society should learn lessons from more women choosing not to have children. Men have organized motherhood in such a way that they don’t have to parent and they are considered real men for that.”

I think the average American person doesn’t feel this way, but I do feel the effects of this type of thinking. In an interview with Focus on the Family, Diane Passno, a lady who used to call her self a feminist, but isn’t now because she became disenchanted with their speakers and their agenda. What she had to say was interesting - “historically the feminist movement was based on Christian values and respected the role of motherhood - the goal was to help women. Where the feminist movement went wrong is when it started to devalue children. Roe vs. Wade and legalizing abortion. Because children became devalued - a woman’s role in bearing, nurturing, and raising children was devalued as well. Career was emphasized as the alternative and promoted as a real achievement. The conflict is that our Creator God designed a woman to take care of children, to provide a good home, to be a nurturer. That’s how we function best. Women can even bring those gifts to the workplace - but if all that is important is career achievement, than it negates how we are created.” She also says that in regard to the family, “the children are the losers.” Women are told, “ you have to contribute to the household financially - you have to have a career and live a certain way.” Usually women feel like they have to do this for the benefit of the children- so the children can every advantage that money can buy. As a result, “life becomes hectic and children get shuttled from one thing to another with no time with mom.”

“The feminist movement is hurtful to women. Feminism discounts every bit the value the Lord has placed on living in relationship to Him. It is a movement that negates the pattern of marriage and the importance of children and men. What is mistaken in our culture is the interpretation that scripture places women as doormats - the woman has all the work - bearing children, taking care of the home - poor woman.”

I just stumbled on the issue of feminism and I didn’t realize that I felt so strongly about it. Young mothers today are stumbling. Why is that? Diane Passno had an answer - “So many moms today were raised by career oriented parents. These mothers have no clue how to run a household and answer basic child rearing questions like how do I potty-train?” Doesn’t that make sense - parents want everything for their children and somewhere we decide that what is best for our girls is that they can take care of themselves and to do that they need to have a career and skills that they can use outside the home. We focus so on that, girls don’t have many skills for in the home. Then we are told lies and half truths - like being at home is unfulfilling and you are not interesting and children may not be better off at home and a woman has to be able to take care of themselves because the divorce rate is 41%

These lies are based on the fact that many moms that stay home don’t use that time wisely, because they don’t know better. They let their children watch too much t.v. and video games and there is not enough playing with each other, playing outside, and just day-to-day chores with each other. That time together is so necessary, even doing the mundane daily tasks together are good for the child’s social development.

There are times when children and parents have to be away from each other. But consider 4 reasons why it is important for children to stay at home. 1)Children thrive and learn better when they enjoy one on one relationships with adults rather than as members of a group. 2)You can’t pay an employee in a child-care center enough to care for your children like their own mothers will do.3)Research verifies that kids at home are healthier than those who are exposed to diseases, coughs and sneezes from other boys and girls. 4) a bonding is more likely to occur between parents and children when the developmental milestones are experienced firsthand. (Taken from “What do you think of placing children in child-care centers so mothers can work? From the Focus on the Family website)

What I am trying to say is not to devalue what a working mother does. It is a necessity. Children do have to go to child care. There are some moms handle this challenge amazingly well. They should be admired for the discipline and dedication. But I think that we all could agree that it is a exhausting . Getting kids ready - meals - shopping - work - housework. Trying to do it all and be successful without the man’s help - that is not a very healthy influence.

Husbands, you need to love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Men's Retreat Part 1

Well everyone, the Men's Retreat is over. It was in a beautiful location in Monterrey, CA. It went well, but I am glad it is over. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and all your help. What I ended up with isn't quite what I thought when I started, but I must say that God's hand was in it - everything started to fit together - not because of me. I used some of my other posts, so if you have read my other posts you will recognize some of the information. For the actual retreat, I ended cutting some of the quotes out, but I decided to leave it all for this post.

Men’s Retreat: Sleepy Thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three
Children outside, still
In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
Food boxes and wrappers
Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was
The front door to the house
And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding
Into the entry, he found
An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked
Over, and the throw rug was
Wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a
Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
And various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink,
Breakfast food was spilled on the
Counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog
Food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a
Small pile of sand was spread
By the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
Toys and more piles of
Clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried
She might be ill, or that
Something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it
Made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
Scummy soap and more toys
Strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
Heap and toothpaste had been
Smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife
Still curled up in the bed
In her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up
At him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What
Happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every
Day when you come home
From work and you ask me what in the world I do all
Day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."


***Describe Mother ****Describe wife ****Why do you think motherhood is important? ***What do you think is missing in wives today? ****Why did God create women?

When I agreed to Rich that I would speak, I had no idea where all my researching and thoughts would take me. There were times that I just wanted to call Rich up and decline. What would a group of men care about anything that I would have to say? After some long talks that I had with my dad and some comments on my blog, “Sleepy thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood,” I have persevered. I hope that in all I have to say today that you will understand the role of being a mother in today’s society and I want to urge you to be godly men, because we women need you.

My sleepy thoughts have lead me to a conclusion that women today are pressures by 4 influences. The first influence is the Influence of Expectations. I started blogging on the web - journaling my thoughts. I wanted other’s thoughts on motherhood. As I was writing, I was soul searching. I was having a hard time in my role as wife and mother. I was feeling frazzled and inadequate. I felt like I had lost my identity, the life I was living was not what I imagined or expected. To tell you the truth, I didn’t feel like I was doing a good job at it. Preparing meals 3 times a day - cleaning up after them -doing all the laundry - sorting, washing , drying, folding, putting away, treating stains. Putting toys away, bathing, cleaning, picking up. Not only that, every time I turned around, there was a new mess. Can you imagine trying to fold clothes and your 2 year old son knocking them all down. Or how about always finding food in the cracks and crevices of the tables and chairs because of tiny grimy hands that run over them. Sometimes I look at the mess and don’t feel like I want to tackle it - it is overwhelming. Who is there to care what I do? I will hear it if I don’t do it. There was never any time for myself and I had made myself isolated, partly my fault because I couldn’t give up the control of taking care of the children.
I am not the only mother and wife that feels this way. As I was researching, I found many others who are feeling the way I do. And the word that kept coming to mind was “Expectations.” Sometime while we were little girls we played and dreamed about what it we going to be like when we grew up. I can tell you right now, what we ended up with is not what we dreamed about. Nicole Johnson writes about that in her book Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World. “Walt Disney didn’t do us any favors, or at least it feels that way most days. Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty see, to point the way to a life we could never really have, yet it is obviously one we would continue hoping for anyway. As adult women we are wide awake, facing the loss of our dreams, with no idea what will take their place.”
And don’t we ask our kids, “what are you going to be when you grow up?” and don’t we expect our sons and daughters to have lofty aspirations? When I was a child, I never felt right about saying that I wanted to be a mother or a wife. I guess that I just assumed that I would be those things. The question was - what really was going to define me - and that couldn‘t be just a wife and mother. I just expected to fall right into being a wife and mother - now how hard could it really be, women have been doing it for years, it had to be natural. Being a wife and mother was harder than I expected and it certainly wasn’t a fairy tale.

One day I was surfing the web “googling“ Motherhood and I stumbled on a blog called “ordinary mother“ The writer ministered to me that day and I would like to share it with you. She wrote -
As a teenager I remember reading biographies of missionaries and dreaming of someday living in a jungle with the natives and heroically preaching the gospel and translating scripture in my grass hut. Many were the times that I prayed, “Here I am Lord, send me!” My heart though mixed with selfish ambition and pride was to be used in God’s kingdom.
In time my missionary dreams faded in light of my new passion for the local church. Fantasies of jungle evangelism gave way to me actually leading a high school girls’ Bible study and playing keyboard every Sunday morning. New dreams of being a pastor’s wife (a dream that came true!) and maybe even church planting emerged. “Here am I. Send me,” still echoed in my heart.
Then, a new season dawned in my life…motherhood. God made my entrance into motherhood such that I had to rather abruptly be removed from involvement in both youth group and worship team to care for twins. And just to ensure that I wouldn’t go back to other ministries too soon - five months after the twins were born, I was pregnant again. Those dreams of heroic missionary work, leading Bible studies, and being right with my husband at various meetings and ministry events were interrupted by 2 am feedings, 16 diaper changes a day, and raging hormones.
Even though I absolutely enjoyed my babies, in the first three years or so, I often found myself overwhelmed and frazzled. I couldn’t stay motivated to keep doing the same things over and over. I was tired of my inadequacy to do this mom thing. But God in his mercy broke through. It wasn’t a sudden revelation, but more of a dawning for me. I was always looking for the grand, heroic gesture to glorify God. Looking back, my desire was really for my own glory. With much patience God revealed to me that true godliness that glorifies Him is evident in the mundane moments in life. Yes, I was willing to go to the jungles of Africa, but was I willing to go to the playroom and pick up the toys for the fifth time that day. Yes, I was willing to preach to the natives, but was I willing to view disciplining my children as opportunities to further the Gospel in their lives. Instead of translating scripture, was I willing to translate the Bible to a preschooler.
God has graciously revealed to me that He has ordained this season with all of its daily-ness. It is tailor made for His glory and my good. Indeed, it is nothing short of a miracle when God enables this selfish mother to keep up with laundry, build a Thomas track, and help the kids resolve conflict.
Something amazing has happened in this life of mine. I am finding that when I submit to this plan God designed for me to bring Him glory (which is still a daily battle), I find joy even in the most mundane task. How amazing that God would accept sweeping the floor as a spiritual act of worship (Romans 12). How amazing that when in my self-pity I think, “nobody sees or appreciates all that I am doing,” God whispers to me, “I see you.” How amazing that I can so tangibly feel the pleasure of God in me when I am simply building a lego house, teaching Math, or reading a story to my children.
My testimony is that God has patiently helped me to understand that in His kindness He has made bringing glory to Him in the daily events of life, a source of great joy…even better than dreaming.”

What an encouraging story to me and others that have read her blog. To know another Christian woman that feels the way I do - that could have been my testimony. It ministered to my spirit.

It is so easy for women to get caught up into their expectations that it is hard to glorify God in our reality. This is one way that we need you, we need you to know our dreams - our expectations and lovingly bring us back to reality. Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church.