The Santa Claus Question

I have a question to ask you all as you are getting ready for the big Christmas day. It has been my firm belief for many years that Santa Claus was not going to be a part of our Christmas. Now, my daughter has asked me if he was real and my reply was that some people think that he is real and I have told her about the tradition of St. Nick. My husband has even gone as far as telling her that he is not real. Well, she has decided that she is going to believe in him anyway.

So my question is, how do all of you or how have you dealt with the big Santa Claus dilemma. And please, mom and dad and brothers don't tell me that whatever radio station tracks Santa on Christmas Eve. You had me crying once and I don't want to go through that again.

I do need your advice so that I can make peace with my decision - I might give in and lie to my children. I am in the middle of the road on this one. Up until now we have done a birthday cake for Jesus and we will continue with that tradition.

Anyway, I hope that you have a Merry Christmas and that all the shopping is done, so you can enjoy the whole weekend.

JTB

My church does a ministry every December that is an interactive nativity. People come from all around to become part of a family going from Nazareth to Bethlehem to pay taxes. Along the way they see a map maker, Roman soldiers, other Jews, the Wise Men, the Shepherds and the Angel, beggars, thieves, the tax collector, the Bethlehem marketplace, the Innkeeper, and then Mary and Joseph. My husband and I are tour leaders. We become a Jewish family who take the group of people on the mile journey. It is amazing how many people that came through and how many lives that are touched by the ministry of our church. We get around 8,000 - 10,000 people to come through. This is the 10th year for our church to do this and it gets better every year.

It has really made this time special for me and it jump starts the specialness of the holiday. I wish that everyone could come and participate in this ministry. I hope that you will take time during the busyness of this Christmas season to remember what is really important and make it extra special.

Spiritual Disciplines

I received a handout in my Bible Study called, "Taking the 'Ugh' Out of Spiritual Disciplines." It is taken from the "Thin Within" newsletters. I think that disciplines should draw someone closer to God, but many times when we don't do them we start feeling guilty. Then when we finally do draw near to God we don't freely enter God's prescence. Here are some thoughts from the handout that spoke to me and I hope that they speak to you as well.

I believe any intentional practice that turns your heart toward God, deepens your relationship with Him, and transforms you to be more Christ-like, however slightly or slowly, is worth incorporating in your life as a spiritual excercise.

I know a pastor who began making the bed each morning as a spiritual discipline. By faithfully doing so, he engaged in an intentional act of loving and serving his wife.

Spiritual habits help us watch ourselves closely. They impress God's word on our souls and help us keep God in the forefront of our thoughts.

The appropriate purpose for engaging in disciplines is to grow closer to our God and become the people He created us to be. Our purpose is not to curry favor with God or earn points.

Certain disciplines help us draw near to God;others build godly character; still others help us avoid that which pulls us away from God and numbs our sensitivity to Him and others.

As a stay-at-home mommy I have fallen short of my Spiritual Disciplines. Having a baby consumes my time and energy and everything is about the baby. As the baby grows and becomes more independent, there is some extra time, but in my case I had another baby - so the cycle starts over. I also think that I have gotten out of practice. I want to encourage all of you to continue in spiritual disciplines. We need to watch our hearts and remember that these disiciplines do not make us better than others, then we may be like the Pharisees in Bible times. But when we do these disciplines, they grown us, they protect us, and they can comfort us. We build spiritual disciplines like we excercise. Something that we do everyday, in the same way - Bible study, prayer, serving others. If any of you have a way that you practice spiritual disciplines, please share it. I would love to hear from you.

Holiday Ideas

Today my Mom's Club meeting was about holiday entertaining. I didn't realize it at the time, but it made me realize that I didn't have any real plans for Thanksgiving. Listening to everyone talk about getting together with family made me homesick. I miss getting together with family and it looks like we won't be going back to the midwest until next summer or the next Christmas.

I want to make this Thanksgiving and Christmas memorable - they gave lots of good ideas today at Mom's Club, but I wonder if anyone in my own little family will care about any special details that I will try to put into the holidays. So this afternoon I was feeling a little disheartened.

I did get some good ideas. One that I want to share with you is a Thanksgiving Tablecloth. Get a white tablecloth and have everyone at your Thanksgiving celebration write what they are thankful for on it with a permanent marker. Every year get out the tablecloth and add to it. I thought that was a beautiful idea - kind of like a growth chart. Every year you see how much you have "grown."

Another idea is a recipe. It is a Baked French Toast recipe. It would be perfect for Thanksgiving morning or Christmas morning.

1 loaf Sweet French Bread (13- 16 ounces)
8 large eggs
2 cups half and half
1 cup milk
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash of salt
Praline Topping (recipe follows)
Maple Syrup

Slice French bread into about 16 slices. Arrange slices in a gererously buttered 9x13 inch baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half and half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Whisk until blended, but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk/egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight. Make Praline topping.

1 cup butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
2 Tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well. Set aside until morning.

The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup. (Personally, the maple syrup can be omitted - it is perfect without.)

I hope that you all will have a wonderful Thanksgiving - it is coming fast. I want to encourage everyone to make it special. Include the children and do special projects. And please pray that my little family and I will find a way to have a memorable holiday season.

Feeling Sick

Today I had Oprah on and it left me sick. She had on a teenage girl who killed her baby, (I think while she was still pregnant) and left him somewhere. I actually didn't end up watching the show - I turned it off - I thought that I was going to be sick. I heard some of it and I didn't want to hear any more. Now that I am writing this - I am mad. What is the point of hearing her story? To get it out there that people do unthinkable things? That unborn babies aren't "alive" - what? I do not want to sympathize with her and I am afraid having her on the show will cause people to sympathize with her.

I know that we all have done bad - evil - wicked things. I think, though, that we have gotten into a society that either looks over, tries to smooth over other's wrongs or they are the complete opposite and are extreemly condemning. I have no answers, just some frustrations. What I do know is that still thinking about that girl - what she was saying and how she was saying it - still makes me sick to my stomach.

The Invisible Kingdom

I have been going to a mom's club at a nearby church. Right now they are going through a book by Nicole Johnson (Women of Faith Speaker/Dramatist), Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World. This last chapter was called "The Invisible Kingdom." The whole chapter really spoke to me. How many times do we feel invisible. That what we do wasn't seen and appreciated - that may happen to all on many levels. I have felt that is has especially happened after becoming a wife and especially a mother. I would like someone to notice that I just spent an hour working on supper. I would like someone to notice I rearranged or decorated. I would like someone to notice that their clothes finally made it back in their drawers, clean and folded.

Now of course, my chlildren are too little to know better if they do notice. The job then falls on my husband to notice. Isn't it great when he does? Don't I try to notice and say something to my husband when the shoe is on the other foot? Yet it just goes back to me putting my husband where God should be. I know that God notices and he appreciates what I do - what I do isn't for my husband. If that is the way it is, then I will never do it right or what I do won't be noticed or appreciated half as much as it should. What I do should be for the glory of God. The question was asked during the study - how can we do that? My answer is that we have to just keep telling ourselves that truth. What we do is for God - His Glory.

Nicole Johnson writes, "In Lloyd Douglas's book Magnificient Obsession, he reveals the strength of humility in the invisible kingdom. Most people, he points out, broadcast their good deeds and hide their bad deeds. What lives on the inside of a person becomes the total of all the things they are hiding. In a sense, you are a sick as your secrets. A heart then is full of the badness tucked away from the rest of the world - even those closest to it. The greater way to live, he suggests, is to hide your good deeds and openly confess your bad. The strength of a good deed done in secret is increased. When you have done a good thing publicly, you are openly applauded and admired, receiving your credit and any reward right then and there. Then it evaporates. But you should you hold good things inside where others do not applaude, the Scripture implies that God applauds. The negative things are confessed, and they evaporate. The good you do in secret then multiplies in your heart and becomes a building block for your character."

That passage that Nicole Johnson wrote struck me. So today, I am pondering those thoughts in my heart.

More Ways for Men to love their Wives

The following quote was deleted out of my message for the men's retreat, but I decided to post it. I left it out because I already felt I had too much information. Men - these are some ways to love your wives.

Dr. Dobson in his article, To the Husbands of Christian Homemakers, said this, Let me say it more directly. For the man who appreciates the willingness of his wife to stand against the tide of public opinion - staying at home in her empty neighborhood in the exclusive company of jelly faced toddlers and strong-willed adolescents - it is about time you gave her some help. I’m not merely suggesting that you wash the dishes or sweep the floor. I’m referring to the emotional support of conversation…of making her feel like a lady…of building her ego…of giving her one day of recreation each week…of taking her out to dinner…of telling her that you love her. Without these armaments, she is left defenseless against the foes of the family. But to be honest, many of you husbands and fathers have been thinking about something else. Your wives have been busy attending seminars and reading family literature and studying the Bible, but they can’t even get you to enter a discussion about what they have learned. You’ve been intoxicated with your work and the ego support it provides.

Praying for your Wife

This was a handout I adapted from the Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian. Men, please pray for your wives.

1) Her Husband - Psalm 66:18/1 Cor. 11:11/Eph 5:25-27
2) Her Work - Psalm 90:17
3) Her Finances - Ecc. 5:19/Philippians 4:19
4) Her Sexuality - 1 Cor. 7:3-5
5) Her Affection - Philippians 2:4/Eph 5:28,29/Song of Solomon 2:6
6) Her Temptations - James 1:12/Galatians 5:16,17
7) Her Mind - Romans 1:21/ 2 Tim. 1:7/ 1 Cor. 2:16/ Mark 12:30
8) Her Fears - Ps. 34:4/ Isaiah 41:10
9) Her Purposes - Ps. 20:4/1 Cor. 7:7
10) Her Choices - Pr. 1:28-30/Pr.3:7
11) Her Health - Ps. 103:2,3/2 Kings 20:5/Jer. 33:6
12) Her Protection - Ps 91:1-2/Ps 23:4
13) Her Trials - 1 Pet. 1:6,7/Ps. 55:22
14) Her Integrity - Ps. 7:8/Prov 11:3
15) Her Reputation - Mt.5:6/Ps. 31:17,18
16) Her Relationships - Heb. 10:24,25/Matt. 5:23,24
17) Her Priorities - Mt. 6:33/Philippians 2:4
18) Her Motherhood - Prov. 31:28/1 Tim. 2:15/Pov. 6:20
19) Her Past - Isaiah 43:18,19/2 Cor. 5:7/Eph.4:22-24/Rev.21:4
20) Her Attitude - Ps. 100:4, Ez 18:31
21) Her Marriage - Ecc 4:9,10/ 1 Cor. 7:10,11
22) Her Emotions - Pr. 28:26
23) Her Walk - Eph. 4:1,2/Is. 33:15,16
24) Her Talk - Eph. 4:29/Mt. 12:36/Mt. 15:18
25) Her Repentance - 1 Jn. 3:21,22/Ps.139:23,24
26) Her Deliverance - Ps. 56:13/Eph. 6:12-18
27) Her Obedience - Jer. 7:23/Prov. 3:1-3
28) Her Self-Image - Is. 60:1 / Cor. 3:18/1 Pet. 3:3-4
29) Her Faith - James 1:6-8/Romans 14:23/Mt.17:20
30) Her Future - Jer. 29:11/Ps.27:4

Men's Retreat Part 4

And Lastly, women are influenced by submission. 1Peter 3:1 says that wives need to be submissive to their husbands. What is that? The hated “S” word for Christian women! My dad sent me an article called, “Toward a More Comprehensive Understanding of Wifely Submission.” By Catherine Clark Kroeger. Because my dad liked what she had to say, I went ahead and read it. She wrote the article to dismiss the notion that proper submission “entails a servant-master relationship and that it doesn’t encourage intimacy.” She looked at the word submission in the Greek. I’m not going to try to get into the whole study of the Greek, but this is what she says after her study. “The Greek verb, hupotasso, (the word for submission) has within it many values that can enrich a marriage - to join, associate, identify, support, attach oneself to, or to relate in such a way as to make meaning - this word is not the word for obedience, hupakouo, something enjoined on slaves and children.” I think that the best portrayal of a woman relationship as a mother and a wife is in Proverbs 31. Kroeger says this about Proverbs 31, “Here the model wife is portrayed as a full partner - strong, willing to take new ventures and possessed of good judgment in her own right. Her industry and initiative bring great enrichment to her marriage and her home, and brings praise of her husband and children.” What a gift to a marriage when women and men realize that a woman brings “commitment, loyalty, support, adherence, responsibility, and a desire to create a meaningful relationship.” Barbara Rainey says, “When Dennis loves me the way he is commanded to it is easier for me to submit to him and his leadership.” Men love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

What does this all mean to you men? We women need you. Somewhere the value of men’s leadership has been lost. Men see that women try to do it all. They make money, they take care of the kids, really they do everything. What is there for a man to do? Of course you help and you do a good job - but something is missing. Women don’t have the time for their husbands. Who is the real loser in the women’s movement - not only the children, but also the husbands. We aren’t doing what we are suppose to do. Did God intend for the family to be this way? What can we do about it? What can you do about it? Think about it - our society is spinning out of control. We have dysfunctional families, we have a high divorce rate, there is a rise in drug use, pornography, we have desperate housewives, I could go on and on.


Where do you start? You start with your wife. Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present Himself to the church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing: but that she would be holy and blameless.”

“Sanctify her. Be her spiritual leader. Be sure that your wife has enough time in her daily schedule for personal Bible Study and prayer. Spend time with her in Bible study. Ask her to memorize scripture together. When you make your decisions, explain them on the basis of scripture. Commend her for any biblical traits that she possesses. Be certain that you never criticize her other than on scriptural grounds and she should do the same with you. Encourage her to be faithful in her attendance at church and set a good example yourself. Encourage other opportunities she may have to study scripture. Make dinner an enjoyable time of discussing biblical truth and personal applications of scripture.” (Taken from 10 Ideas a Husband can Help His Wife Grow in Christ by Lou Priolo)

Remember your wife doesn’t need your money to be secure - she needs you. She feels secure when you two feel close, when you make time together a priority - she feels secure when you demonstrate your commitment and you are actively participating in parenting and in life at home. ( taken from “Why Does She Think That Way? Article by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn) I truly believe if women and men start treating each other the way it is talked about in scripture, than the dysfunction that we see now will start to fade.

Finally, Men - Princes of the King, fight for the hearts of your wives and reveal their beauty. Women aren’t the adventure, but catch her up into the adventure of following Jesus with you, her husband, her Prince of the King. (Thank you Tommy)

Then I handed out Prayer sheets to the men so that they can specifically pray for their wives. I adapted it from Stormie O’Martian’s Book, The Power of a Praying Wife. I will post that in the next post.

Thank you to everyone who thought and prayed for me. I am glad that it is over, but it was an important exercise. It made me re-think what I am doing as a wife and mother.

Men's Retreat Part 3

(Readers, you may recognize this as another one of my posts.)

The 3rd influence on women is their health. We can’t get around it, women go through many changes in their body throughout their life. I think that many health experts still don’t understand all there is to know about women’s health, emotions, and hormones. Just when I thought I was done with the roller coaster of the teenage years - then I had to go through the roller coaster of pregnancy and the changes the body goes through after pregnancy. But it isn’t over yet - women whether they have babies or not have to also go through the changes of menopause. I think that some of my hard times that I have been having has to do with hormones - baby blues. So that took me to some research - My research is from the American Psychiatric Association website and the National Institute of Mental Health website. Here are some quotes from their articles.
"Women are approximately two times more likely than men to suffer from major depression and dysthymia."

"Women's risk of depressive symptoms and demoralization is higher among mothers of young children and increases with the number of children in the house."

"Significant loss, a difficult relationship, financial problems, or a major change in life pattern have all been cited as contributors to depressive illness."

"Persons with certain characteristics - pessimistic thinking, low self esteem, a sense of having little control over life events, and a tendency to worry excessively - are more likely to develop depression."

"A variety of factors unique to women's lives are suspected to play a role in developing depression. Research is focused on understanding these, including: reproductive, hormonal, genetic or other biological factors, abuse and oppression; interpersonal factors; and certain psychological and personality characteristics. And yet, specific causes of depression in women remain unclear; many women exposed to these factors do not develop depression."

"Stresses include major responsibilities at home and work, single parenthood, caring for children and aging parents. How these factors may uniquely affect women is not yet fully understood."

"For both women and men, rates of major depression are highest among the separated and divorced, and lowest among the married, while remaining always higher for women than for men. The quality of a marriage, however, may contribute significantly to depression. Lack of an intimate, confiding relationship, as well as overt marital disputes, have been shown to be related to depression in women. In fact, rates of depression were shown to be highest among unhappily married women."

"Researchers have confirmed that hormones have an effect on brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood; a specific biological mechanism explaining hormonal involvement is not known, however."

"In addition, motherhood may be a time of heightened risk for depression because of the stress and demands it imposes."

Now, I don't want to make this research fit how I want it to, but coming from my own personal experiences and experiences of others, I am going to try to make some statements that make sense to me. I never felt like I had the baby blues - the few months after having the baby- but there have been times in my young mother life that I have felt "blue-ish." I mean, why not - hormones, tiredness, worrying, loss of control, financial problems, marital problems. Having children is a huge change in a couple's life whether we like it or not. Then the hormones, being tired after staying up with sick kids or trying to get them to sleep, worrying about the children's safety and health and education, feeling a loss of control when the children don't behave perfectly, saving money on the children's ever changing wardrobes and cutting costs on the groceries, and marital problems! Isn't it a given that among all that chaos there will be some marital problems? Every individual has different issues, they also handle them all differently - but shouldn't we expect that mothers of young children will feel depressed at times. There are so many expectations of mothers and unless a woman has someone to speak with on these issues, why wouldn't she be depressed?

I have a friend. She has three young children. She worries about her children's health often - for good reason. Her husband doesn't work close to home, so he isn't at home every night. She feels like a single parent most of the time. Recently, she has had some health issues as well. Now tell me why she shouldn't feel a little blue at times and that maybe I should be concerned about her well being?

I guess what my thought is, I think that many young mothers may suffer from depression of some sort from time to time. And that made me think of some scripture - "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7 I don’t know if everyone will agree on the way I use this verse, but it speaks so strongly to me - women are influenced by their health - mental and physical.

Men, love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Men's Retreat Part 2

The second influence is the Influence of Feminism. I didn’t realize what a hot topic this was. Dr. James Dobson had this to say about it in his article “To the Husbands of Christian Homemakers.”
“It is high time you realized that your wives are under attack today! Everything that they have been taught from earliest childhood is being subjected to ridicule and scorn. Hardly a day passes when the traditional values of the Judeo-Christian heritage are not blatantly mocked and undermined. 1)The notion that motherhood is a worthwhile investment of a woman’s time suffers unrelenting bombardment. 2)The idea that wives should yield to the leadership of their husbands, as commanded in Ephesians 5:21-33 is considered almost medieval in its stupidity. 3)The concept that a man and woman should become one flesh, finding their identity in each other rather than as separate and competing individuals, is said to be intolerably insulting to women.4)The belief that divorce is an unacceptable alternative has been abandoned by practically everybody. 5)The description of the ideal wife and mother, as offered in Proverbs 31:10-31 is now unthinkable for the modern woman. 6)The role of the female as the help-meet, bread-maker, wound-patcher, love-giver, home-builder and child-bearer is nothing short of disgusting. All of these deeply ingrained values, which many of your wives are trying desperately to sustain, are continually exposed to the wrath of hell itself. The Western media - radio, television, and the press - are working relentlessly to shred the last vestiges of Christian tradition. And your wives who believe in that spiritual heritage are virtually hanging by their thumbs! They are made to feel stupid and old-fashioned and unfulfilled, and in many cases, their self-esteem is suffering irreparable damage. They are fighting a sweeping social movement with very little support from everyone.”

When I first read the article, I thought Dr. Dobson was being a little out there and radical. Then someone sent me a topic that was discussed on Good Morning America. It opened a whole new can of worms for me and maybe Dobson was right on. A woman wrote an article for “London’s Daily Mail” about how her children bore her. She said that going to her children’s events were boring and that she begs her nanny to stay overtime just to read her children bedtime stories. Of course that has sparked some controversy - what mother doesn’t want to love and nurture her children by spending time with and rooting them on? GMA wanted women to write in their thoughts and they had different panels of women on to express their views. They called it “Mommy Wars.“ One lady in particular - a feminist commentator, Linda Hirshman, says that stay-at-home moms are wasting their talents by not focusing on higher education and career pursuits. “Educated, interesting women can’t be fulfilled at home.” “Staying at home is like riding a motorcycle without a helmet.” - it is your choice to ride without a helmet, but it isn’t safe. She says that, “Social statistics say kids aren’t any worse off” if the mother works. That stay at home moms are letting down the team - the other women in the workplace.

Can you believe that? But she is just a radical feminist - what do other women think? I found another article published in England entitled “Motherhood is boring, say Young Women.” The article talks about a study in which young women fear that having children will “undermine their sense of identity.” “One in four women who turns 30 this year will never have children.” Bea Campbell, a feminist writer, “says that society should learn lessons from more women choosing not to have children. Men have organized motherhood in such a way that they don’t have to parent and they are considered real men for that.”

I think the average American person doesn’t feel this way, but I do feel the effects of this type of thinking. In an interview with Focus on the Family, Diane Passno, a lady who used to call her self a feminist, but isn’t now because she became disenchanted with their speakers and their agenda. What she had to say was interesting - “historically the feminist movement was based on Christian values and respected the role of motherhood - the goal was to help women. Where the feminist movement went wrong is when it started to devalue children. Roe vs. Wade and legalizing abortion. Because children became devalued - a woman’s role in bearing, nurturing, and raising children was devalued as well. Career was emphasized as the alternative and promoted as a real achievement. The conflict is that our Creator God designed a woman to take care of children, to provide a good home, to be a nurturer. That’s how we function best. Women can even bring those gifts to the workplace - but if all that is important is career achievement, than it negates how we are created.” She also says that in regard to the family, “the children are the losers.” Women are told, “ you have to contribute to the household financially - you have to have a career and live a certain way.” Usually women feel like they have to do this for the benefit of the children- so the children can every advantage that money can buy. As a result, “life becomes hectic and children get shuttled from one thing to another with no time with mom.”

“The feminist movement is hurtful to women. Feminism discounts every bit the value the Lord has placed on living in relationship to Him. It is a movement that negates the pattern of marriage and the importance of children and men. What is mistaken in our culture is the interpretation that scripture places women as doormats - the woman has all the work - bearing children, taking care of the home - poor woman.”

I just stumbled on the issue of feminism and I didn’t realize that I felt so strongly about it. Young mothers today are stumbling. Why is that? Diane Passno had an answer - “So many moms today were raised by career oriented parents. These mothers have no clue how to run a household and answer basic child rearing questions like how do I potty-train?” Doesn’t that make sense - parents want everything for their children and somewhere we decide that what is best for our girls is that they can take care of themselves and to do that they need to have a career and skills that they can use outside the home. We focus so on that, girls don’t have many skills for in the home. Then we are told lies and half truths - like being at home is unfulfilling and you are not interesting and children may not be better off at home and a woman has to be able to take care of themselves because the divorce rate is 41%

These lies are based on the fact that many moms that stay home don’t use that time wisely, because they don’t know better. They let their children watch too much t.v. and video games and there is not enough playing with each other, playing outside, and just day-to-day chores with each other. That time together is so necessary, even doing the mundane daily tasks together are good for the child’s social development.

There are times when children and parents have to be away from each other. But consider 4 reasons why it is important for children to stay at home. 1)Children thrive and learn better when they enjoy one on one relationships with adults rather than as members of a group. 2)You can’t pay an employee in a child-care center enough to care for your children like their own mothers will do.3)Research verifies that kids at home are healthier than those who are exposed to diseases, coughs and sneezes from other boys and girls. 4) a bonding is more likely to occur between parents and children when the developmental milestones are experienced firsthand. (Taken from “What do you think of placing children in child-care centers so mothers can work? From the Focus on the Family website)

What I am trying to say is not to devalue what a working mother does. It is a necessity. Children do have to go to child care. There are some moms handle this challenge amazingly well. They should be admired for the discipline and dedication. But I think that we all could agree that it is a exhausting . Getting kids ready - meals - shopping - work - housework. Trying to do it all and be successful without the man’s help - that is not a very healthy influence.

Husbands, you need to love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Men's Retreat Part 1

Well everyone, the Men's Retreat is over. It was in a beautiful location in Monterrey, CA. It went well, but I am glad it is over. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and all your help. What I ended up with isn't quite what I thought when I started, but I must say that God's hand was in it - everything started to fit together - not because of me. I used some of my other posts, so if you have read my other posts you will recognize some of the information. For the actual retreat, I ended cutting some of the quotes out, but I decided to leave it all for this post.

Men’s Retreat: Sleepy Thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three
Children outside, still
In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
Food boxes and wrappers
Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was
The front door to the house
And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding
Into the entry, he found
An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked
Over, and the throw rug was
Wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a
Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
And various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink,
Breakfast food was spilled on the
Counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog
Food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a
Small pile of sand was spread
By the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
Toys and more piles of
Clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried
She might be ill, or that
Something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it
Made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
Scummy soap and more toys
Strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
Heap and toothpaste had been
Smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife
Still curled up in the bed
In her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up
At him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What
Happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every
Day when you come home
From work and you ask me what in the world I do all
Day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."


***Describe Mother ****Describe wife ****Why do you think motherhood is important? ***What do you think is missing in wives today? ****Why did God create women?

When I agreed to Rich that I would speak, I had no idea where all my researching and thoughts would take me. There were times that I just wanted to call Rich up and decline. What would a group of men care about anything that I would have to say? After some long talks that I had with my dad and some comments on my blog, “Sleepy thoughts on Marriage and Motherhood,” I have persevered. I hope that in all I have to say today that you will understand the role of being a mother in today’s society and I want to urge you to be godly men, because we women need you.

My sleepy thoughts have lead me to a conclusion that women today are pressures by 4 influences. The first influence is the Influence of Expectations. I started blogging on the web - journaling my thoughts. I wanted other’s thoughts on motherhood. As I was writing, I was soul searching. I was having a hard time in my role as wife and mother. I was feeling frazzled and inadequate. I felt like I had lost my identity, the life I was living was not what I imagined or expected. To tell you the truth, I didn’t feel like I was doing a good job at it. Preparing meals 3 times a day - cleaning up after them -doing all the laundry - sorting, washing , drying, folding, putting away, treating stains. Putting toys away, bathing, cleaning, picking up. Not only that, every time I turned around, there was a new mess. Can you imagine trying to fold clothes and your 2 year old son knocking them all down. Or how about always finding food in the cracks and crevices of the tables and chairs because of tiny grimy hands that run over them. Sometimes I look at the mess and don’t feel like I want to tackle it - it is overwhelming. Who is there to care what I do? I will hear it if I don’t do it. There was never any time for myself and I had made myself isolated, partly my fault because I couldn’t give up the control of taking care of the children.
I am not the only mother and wife that feels this way. As I was researching, I found many others who are feeling the way I do. And the word that kept coming to mind was “Expectations.” Sometime while we were little girls we played and dreamed about what it we going to be like when we grew up. I can tell you right now, what we ended up with is not what we dreamed about. Nicole Johnson writes about that in her book Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World. “Walt Disney didn’t do us any favors, or at least it feels that way most days. Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty see, to point the way to a life we could never really have, yet it is obviously one we would continue hoping for anyway. As adult women we are wide awake, facing the loss of our dreams, with no idea what will take their place.”
And don’t we ask our kids, “what are you going to be when you grow up?” and don’t we expect our sons and daughters to have lofty aspirations? When I was a child, I never felt right about saying that I wanted to be a mother or a wife. I guess that I just assumed that I would be those things. The question was - what really was going to define me - and that couldn‘t be just a wife and mother. I just expected to fall right into being a wife and mother - now how hard could it really be, women have been doing it for years, it had to be natural. Being a wife and mother was harder than I expected and it certainly wasn’t a fairy tale.

One day I was surfing the web “googling“ Motherhood and I stumbled on a blog called “ordinary mother“ The writer ministered to me that day and I would like to share it with you. She wrote -
As a teenager I remember reading biographies of missionaries and dreaming of someday living in a jungle with the natives and heroically preaching the gospel and translating scripture in my grass hut. Many were the times that I prayed, “Here I am Lord, send me!” My heart though mixed with selfish ambition and pride was to be used in God’s kingdom.
In time my missionary dreams faded in light of my new passion for the local church. Fantasies of jungle evangelism gave way to me actually leading a high school girls’ Bible study and playing keyboard every Sunday morning. New dreams of being a pastor’s wife (a dream that came true!) and maybe even church planting emerged. “Here am I. Send me,” still echoed in my heart.
Then, a new season dawned in my life…motherhood. God made my entrance into motherhood such that I had to rather abruptly be removed from involvement in both youth group and worship team to care for twins. And just to ensure that I wouldn’t go back to other ministries too soon - five months after the twins were born, I was pregnant again. Those dreams of heroic missionary work, leading Bible studies, and being right with my husband at various meetings and ministry events were interrupted by 2 am feedings, 16 diaper changes a day, and raging hormones.
Even though I absolutely enjoyed my babies, in the first three years or so, I often found myself overwhelmed and frazzled. I couldn’t stay motivated to keep doing the same things over and over. I was tired of my inadequacy to do this mom thing. But God in his mercy broke through. It wasn’t a sudden revelation, but more of a dawning for me. I was always looking for the grand, heroic gesture to glorify God. Looking back, my desire was really for my own glory. With much patience God revealed to me that true godliness that glorifies Him is evident in the mundane moments in life. Yes, I was willing to go to the jungles of Africa, but was I willing to go to the playroom and pick up the toys for the fifth time that day. Yes, I was willing to preach to the natives, but was I willing to view disciplining my children as opportunities to further the Gospel in their lives. Instead of translating scripture, was I willing to translate the Bible to a preschooler.
God has graciously revealed to me that He has ordained this season with all of its daily-ness. It is tailor made for His glory and my good. Indeed, it is nothing short of a miracle when God enables this selfish mother to keep up with laundry, build a Thomas track, and help the kids resolve conflict.
Something amazing has happened in this life of mine. I am finding that when I submit to this plan God designed for me to bring Him glory (which is still a daily battle), I find joy even in the most mundane task. How amazing that God would accept sweeping the floor as a spiritual act of worship (Romans 12). How amazing that when in my self-pity I think, “nobody sees or appreciates all that I am doing,” God whispers to me, “I see you.” How amazing that I can so tangibly feel the pleasure of God in me when I am simply building a lego house, teaching Math, or reading a story to my children.
My testimony is that God has patiently helped me to understand that in His kindness He has made bringing glory to Him in the daily events of life, a source of great joy…even better than dreaming.”

What an encouraging story to me and others that have read her blog. To know another Christian woman that feels the way I do - that could have been my testimony. It ministered to my spirit.

It is so easy for women to get caught up into their expectations that it is hard to glorify God in our reality. This is one way that we need you, we need you to know our dreams - our expectations and lovingly bring us back to reality. Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

My All in All

Why do I depend so much on my husband to be what I need him to be? I can't expect him to be my all in all and fill me up when I am down. As much as I wish he would be, he is only human. I just hate it when he disappoints me. I also know that only God can be that - HE is my ALL in ALL.

There is a worship song that says that.

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are my treasure that I seak, You are my All in All.
When I am down you lift me up, when I am dry you fill my cup, You are my All in All. Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is your name. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is your name."

Dearest Heavenly Father, Thank you for your continued blessings. I don't deserve your love, but You still give it to me. Help me remember to count on You in my neediness and not on humans. I pray that You will be with me and my husband as we continue to walk together with You in our marriage. Help us learn to treat each other with respect and grow together. In your Precious Son's name - Amen

Is Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Boring?

"Sept. 29, 2006 — "Good Morning America" looked at an article that a mother of two had written in London's Daily Mail in July, which said that her sons and their adolescent activities bored her to death.

Not surprisingly, the backlash from outraged mothers, stay-at-home and otherwise, came fast and hard.

But the article launched a real debate on a topic which, until now, women only discussed in private — is being with your children all it's cracked up to be?

It's not about staying home from work, it's about women's real, and sometimes conflicting, feelings about motherhood."

Good Morning America wanted Stay-At-Home Moms to write back their opinion about whether it was boring to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I decided to write them. Being a Stay-At-Home mom is not boring. What it comes down to is what my mom use to tell me -"Boring is a state of mind, if you are bored than you are a boring person." I think with an attitude change and a game plan, staying at home with little ones can be a lot of fun. I am still a work in progress, but I am getting there.

I think that this debate has a lot to do with what I already have written about - expectations. Motherhood isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I guess a lot of other women feel as I do. Along with staying at home with the kids, there are a lot of chores to go with it. Cooking healthy nice tasting meals(that can be an overwhelming task for those who aren't use to cooking), cleaning (it is amazing how dirty kids are and all the nooks and cranies that they get stuff), saving money, and planning. I could go on and on. My point is that I (and obviously other women) wasn't prepared for everything involved with being a mother. Like I said, having an attitude change is helpful. For instance, I have been working at my cooking skills. Watching the Food Network has helped. The different cooks have taught me that cooking can be easy and enjoyable. I don't dread it as much. I am still learning. I need to work on my feelings about cleaning - but maybe that is another blog. I am just grateful that God helped me change my focus and feelings about motherhood. I am a much happier mom these last few months, although I still have my days. On those days, my kids aren't boring - I am.

Depression and Young Mothers

I have received some good ideas for my speaking engagement. I am still not absolutely sure about the flow of it. I have been working on some thoughts and researching them. So I am going to throw them out there and see if I get any comments on them. My research is from the American Psychiatric Association website and the National Institute of Mental Health website.

"Women are approximately two times more likely than men to suffer from major depression and dysthymia."

"Women's risk of depressive symptoms and demoralization is higher among mothers of young children and increases with the number of children in the house."

"Significant loss, a difficult relationship, financial problems, or a major change in life pattern have all been cited as contributors to depressive illness."

"Persons with certain characteristics - pessimistic thinking, low self esteem, a sense of having little control over life events, and a tendency to worry excessively - are more likely to develop depression."

"A variety of factors unique to women's lives are suspected to play a role in developing depression. Research is focused on understanding these, including: reproductive, hormonal, genetic or other biological factors, abuse and oppression; interpersonal factors; and certain psychological and personality characteristics. And yet, specific causes of depression in women remain unclear; many women exposed to these factors do not develop depression."

"Stresses include major responsibilities at home and work, single parenthood, caring for children and aging parents. How these factors may uniquely affect women is not yet fully understood."

"For both women and men, rates of major depression are highest among the separated and divorced, and lowest among the married, while remaining always higher for women than for men. The quality of a marriage, however, may contribute significantly to depression. Lack of an intimate, confiding relationship, as well as overt marital disputes, have been shown to be related to depression in women. In fact, rates of depression were shown to be highest among unhappily married women."

"Researchers have confirmed that hormones have an effect on brain chemistry that controls emotions and mood; a specific biological mechanism explaining hormonal involvement is not known, however."

"In addition, motherhood may be a time of heightened risk for depression because of the stress and demands it imposes."

Now, I don't want to make this research fit how I want it to, but coming from my own personal experiences and experiences of others, I am going to try to make some statements that make sense to me. I never felt like I had the baby blues - the few months after having the baby- but there have been times in my young mother life that I have felt "blue-ish." I mean, why not - hormones, tiredness, worrying, loss of control, financial problems, marital problems. Having children is a huge change in a couple's life and whether we like it or not. Then the hormones - being tired after staying up with sick kids or trying to get them to sleep, worring about the children's saftey and health and education, feeling a loss of control when the children don't behave perfectly -( wouldn't it be nice if the children always acted the way they were suppose to?), saving money on the children's ever changing wardrobes and cutting costs on the groceries, and marital problems! Isn't it a given that among all that choas there will be some marital problems? Every individual has different issues, they also handle them all differently - but shouldn't we expect that mothers of young children will feel depressed at times. There are so many expectations of mothers and unless a woman has someone to speak with on these issues, why wouldn't she be depressed? Doesn't that make you want to call up a mother of young children right now and ask her what you can do to help? What is it about women that have already been through that time in their life - it is like they have forgotten how hard it is and since they have gotten through it - so can young mothers of today.

I just want to end this post with a story about a friend. She has three young children. She worries about her children's health often - for good reason. Her husband doesn't work close to home, so he isn't at home every night. She feels like a single parent most of the time. Recently, she has had some health issues as well. Now tell me why she shouldn't feel a little blue at times and that maybe I should be concerned about her well being? Some mothers told me the other night that being a mother doesn't get easier. I felt like they were downplaying this season of my life - but I don't think that I totally agree with them. Of course I will always be concerned about my children, but these three little ones that I have now are so dependent on me - they are very needy. That is a little overwhelming.

I guess what my thought is, I think that many young mothers may suffer from depression of some sort from time to time. And that made me think of some scripture - "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 1 Peter 3:7

Mens Retreat

Well, I started this blog because I wanted to get ideas for a message that I am doing for a Men's Retreat. I am not for sure why I agreed to do this because I am not for sure for sure how to approach it and why the audience cares. The man who asked me gave me a broad statement - to talk about what it is like to be a mother of young children. Maybe, because men don't understand. Well, in a month I will be doing this and as much as this blog has helped me get some ideas, I am still feeling overwhelmed by the thought of what I should talk about. So if you have some ideas, I would like to hear them. Even if there are any resources out there that might help me or scripture. I always feel like scripture is always the way to go when speaking about anything. Thank you.

So How Many Diapers Have You Changed?

Having 3 little children, changing diapers is a way of life. Of course my husband pitches in when he feels like it - but I am the primary diaper changer. I have 2 in diapers at the moment. My oldest took until she was almost 3 before she was out of diapers and I still have her in pull ups at night. I would really like to get her out of pull ups. I could get up in the middle of the night and have her go - but that doesn't work in my life right now. She shares a room with her 2 year old brother - I wouldn't want to wake him up. The baby sleeps in our room and I would hate to wake him up - he is a light sleeper. I am a heavy sleeper and it is hard to get me woken up when I finally get to sleep. I have started to potty train my 2 year old, but I think I am going to stop and hold off for a few weeks.

So up until now I have approximated that I have changed 8,230 diapers. Can you believe all that money that has been spent? All that money in the garbage, literally. I don't know how mothers use to do cloth diapers. Wow! All the laundry. I use to think if I was a stay at home mother that I would use cloth diapers - I obviously changed my mind. I guess if I was doing the wash, I would be motivated to potty-train a little sooner. What I should do is calculate all the money going to diapers - that should motivate me.

I have been very blessed with diapers for gifts. For my first baby and my third baby I have been given diaper showers. What a blessing! For both babies I had enough diapers to last 6 months. My youngest is almost 7 months and I am on my last package. I have already taken about a dozen packages back to the store because he grew out of that size. So I can't say that I have bought all the diapers. The diapers that I buy are not the expensive name brand kind either. I save between $4-$8 just buying cheaper diapers and they work just as well. I know because I have tried them all considering I had the diaper showers. Just for fun, if I did buy them all at the price I usually pay I would have spent around $1646.

Not only have I changed diapers - some very gross diapers - I have been squirted at by both ends and I have had to help a very constipated child push it out. I have had a child play in it, not once - but twice. She wiped it all over the walls and toys and books. Could you imagine my horror of finding another place where she wiped it weeks later? That was my first, what is in store for my second and third? All I know is that this is a life of a mother - poop, pee - the consistency of it - the color of it. I never knew that I would be so interested in poop. And if I miss my guess, I will someday miss it. Is that true?

Our 8th Anniversary

My husband and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage last night. On one hand, it doesn't seem like we have been married that long and on the other hand - it seems longer - like we have been together for ever. We started dating, though, 12 years ago.
The first time I remember seeing him, it was Parents Weekend at the college. That year I was a Senior in Highschool. He was playing soccer and I loved just looking at him. I would go to the college with my mother throughout the year. Mom went to watch my brothers play basketball, I went to go watch this cute guy. Come to find out later, that he had noticed me too. Back in highschool, all I could think about was him. One of my friends even said to me that I would probably end up marrying him. I just thought that was ridiculous - every gorgeous guy that I had a crush on had no idea I was alive.
He was the deciding factor of why I chose to go to that college - probably not the best reason in deciding to go to a college - but I was young and it turned out all good. He asked me out almost immediately and the rest is history. We, of course, had many ups and downs. He has taught me alot and I hope that I have taught him too - I think I have. It is amazing that in 8
(12?) years we have grown so much alike. What I can't get over is the fact of how much I love him. I sometimes wonder why I married him - I didn't appreciate him as much as I should have or loved him as much as I should have. But I suppose that is how it is suppose to be, growing appreciation for your spouse through the years. It can hold a marriage together in tough times. I think that is God's plan.
That brings me to my comment and I am sure I will have some who will disagree with me, but I will state it anyway. I think that as long as any man and any woman are Christians and they are trying to live as Christ did and stick to God's commands, they can be married happily. If they,"do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better then themselves" and if they "look not only to their own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3&4) I know that my marriage has a long way to go, let's face it we are selfish beings. My husband and I don't always see eye to eye. He is a great guy and he amazes me with all he can do, but he may not have been the right guy for me. Maybe no one was the right one for me. I do know that it doesn't matter anymore, because He is a Christian. I do know, now, that he is the perfect one for me. We still have a lot of growing and learning, but I am thankful for my husband. The one thing that I need to get better at is praying daily for my husband. I think that is my new goal for our 9th year. I have tried in the past, but making time for quiet time is hard. Please keep me accountable about praying time for my husband.
If you are married, you might need a little marriage enrichment. Go to marriage.eharmony.com You will take a quiz and get some insights to your marriage. Kirk and I are in the middle of using their free offer( some of it costs money though). I will let you know what I think about it in another blog. God Bless and I hope that God is in your marriage. That is the only way to be married.

Rebecca

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three
Children outside, still
In their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
Food boxes and wrappers
Strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was
The front door to the house
And there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding
Into the entry, he found
An even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked
Over, and the throw rug was
Wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a
Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
And various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink,
Breakfast food was spilled on the
Counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog
Food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a
Small pile of sand was spread
By the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over
Toys and more piles of
Clothes,looking for his wife. He was worried
She might be ill, or that
Something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it
Made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels,
Scummy soap and more toys
Strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a
Heap and toothpaste had been
Smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife
Still curled up in the bed
In her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up
At him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What
Happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every
Day when you come home
From work and you ask me what in the world I do all
Day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

The other day a newly married lady without kids and pursuing her career asked me what I did that day. She was just just trying to make conversation. I thought for a moment and then I said, "Not much." I just couldn't think of anything to say that was that exciting. I got the kids breakfast, I got them dressed, I got their hair and teeth brushed, I got them busy doing something while I cleaned up and took care of the baby. I did some activities with the kids - then "Oh, look at the time it is time for lunch!" I quickly try to whip up something for lunch - clean up, put the kids down for a nap. Oh the baby woke up - spend time with the baby as I try to pick up and make the house look presentable - maybe set down and rest. The kids are up, I get them busy while I make supper - cleanup - maybe a bath and then to bed.
Just recently someone sent me the above email and it hit home - I spend my day doing things that make it look like I haven't done much. My husband has also made the comment that he could get more done in a day if he stayed home with the kids. I actually do not doubt that he could get more visible things done. It is easy to sit them in front of the T.V. while you get things done and I must admit that I do use this technique more than I like to admit, but I do know that I try to spend time with them. How many times have I sat in the bathroom with my child for more than 20 minutes trying to potty train them or helping them have a bowel movement? How many times has it taken a whole morning trying to pick up and organize a whole playroom instead of throwing it all in the toy box. How many times have I burnt dinner because I had to help a child who needed me? How many times have I sat wondering if my sick child is sick enough to see the doctor? How many times have a sat and read "one more story." I could keep going. Could I be a little bit more organized and disciplined - yes - but please understand that a mother can be busy doing important work without getting the visible work accomplished. I did get pretty sick this spring and I was laid up for awhile. I think that through that time, my husband did start to understand what goes on daily with little children and he doesn't make comments like that anymore.

“It’s not about me, it‘s about God”

That’s a phrase that I have to keep repeating to myself. It helps me get out of the feel sorry for me syndrome. Becoming a mother has been a huge change in my life. I thought, as I have said earlier, that I would have done it more naturally. Typically I am an easy going person and I don’t let things stress me out - unless I have put them off until the last moment. I have found out that mothering is and can be a lot of last moments. Trying to get somewhere, trying to make supper before bath time, trying to give the kids a bath before bedtime, etc. Normally I am calm, but in some of those hectic moments - I just need to say, “it is not about me.”

Everything I do and say is being imprinted on my children’s little minds. They are taking everything in and learning from me. Wow! That is a big responsibility. It can be a little overwhelming too. But then again, I just need to say, “It’s not about me, it is about God.” I can’t be so overwhelmed about my actions or what may happen to my kids otherwise I will wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. That is what happened to me the other night. My daughter was playing around the pool with her cousin Alex and she lost her balance and fell in. We have been teaching her some swimming techniques, but we still have her in a life jacket while she is swimming. When I got to the pool, prepared to jump in, she had bobbed back up. I grabbed her up. She was a little scared, but we talked about how good she did kicking to come back up. After the incident happened, I was talking to my mother about it. And we discussed stories about how little ones sometimes get lost in the shuffle and then they end up getting seriously hurt or being killed or being abducted. So about 3 a.m. I woke up and just started to panic. You see, being the primary care-giver to three little ones is a huge responsibility - especially in this day of age. There are so many warnings and things mothers need to know about. Don’t let your child play with this, don’t let your child eat this, don’t leave your child here, watch for this if your child is sick, etc. What got me calmed down? Saying, “It’s not about me, it’s about God.” I have to give my kids to God. Since I am not super human - I cannot protect my kids from everything. I have to know that whatever happens its about God, not me.

The main reason I am writing about this is because for months I was walking around thinking about me. In many ways that stressed me out because I was putting so much pressure on myself to be a perfect mother. Of course I was thinking about caring for my kids, but in many ways I left God out of the equation. I can’t put my kids before my relationship with God. ( Is that a form of idolatry?) It is very easy to do because they are so needy. If the baby doesn’t get fed or changed, he cries. Putting God first in my life, before the kids, does not mean to not keep them safe or not take care of their needs, but it helps me keep my life in perspective. Therefore, it helps with those hectic moments and it helps me be a better mother - it is not about me, it is about God!

One last note, that is why we young mothers need wise, Christian older women to keep us accountable. We need to be reminded to put God first. Just because I seem to have it figured out doesn't mean that I won't fall back into a rut and go on auto-pilot mothering. I hope that older wiser women will wake up and become mentors to the younger women. (Titus 2:3-5) I just want to thank my mother and grandmothers for their wonderful examples to me.

One Flaw in Women

I got this as an email and I wanted to share it with you. I don't know who originally wrote it, but I think that it is true.

One Flaw In Women

     Women have strengths that amaze men.

     They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

     but they hold happiness, love and joy.

     They smile when they want to scream.

     They sing when they want to cry.

     They cry when they are happy

     and laugh when they are nervous.

     They fight for what they believe in.

     They stand up to injustice.

     They don't take "no" for an answer

     when they believe there is a better solution.

     They go without so their family can have.

     They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

     They love unconditionally.

     They cry when their children excel

     and cheer when their friends get awards.

     They are happy when they hear about

     a birth or a wedding.

     Their hearts break when a friend dies.

     They grieve at the loss of a family member,

     yet they are strong when they

     think there is no strength left.

     They know that a hug and a kiss

     can heal a broken heart.

     Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

     They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

     to show how much they care about you.

     The heart of a woman is what

     makes the world keep turning.

     They bring joy, hope and love.

     They have compassion and ideas.

     They give moral support to their

     family and friends.

     Women have vital things to say

     and everything to give.

     HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

     IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Womanly Guidance

Why is it that other people seem to think that they know what my baby is thinking or needing? My 5 month old was fussing and couple of older grandmotherly ladies tried to tell me it was one thing. I was tired at the time and I was trying to keep up good appearances, but it really annoyed me. I hardly knew these ladies. I know that they had good intentions, but this is my third child for heaven's sake.

After having said that, I also know the impotance of having experienced women in your life to help give guidance as I raise my kids. I just would appreciate that they would have a relationship with me before they stick an oar in.

In the Bible, it talks about the older women guiding the younger women. I don't think that enough older women are doing that. I want to encourage older women to get involved in younger women's lives - especially if they have young children. Get to know them and in loving example help them in their walk. I know being so far from home, my mother doesn't have the chance to help as much as she could. I was ill after having my last child. Looking back, I wished that I had someone to come and give me spiritual wisdom and motherly wisdom. It was hard to be a mother while I was suppose to be resting. I was taken care of tremendously by the ladies of my church and my husband, but I guess I needed a little more and just recently figured out what it was. It is my hope that I will let God use me in such a way to minister to other ladies. Isn't that just the way God is, using your circumstances to help you become a better person.

How Did Our Mothers Do It?

It is hard to find free time to write my blog. There is always something else that I should be doing, like right now, I should be putting laundry away. When I do sit down and think about what I want to write about - I go blank. There are times during my day when I have an idea, but now that I sit here I can’t quite remember what I meant to say. I know that writers keep note pads by their beds so they can jot notes during the night. That just couldn’t work for me because my kids would find it and take it and I wouldn’t find it when I needed it. That is why I titled my blog, “ Sleepy Thoughts…..” They will usually be sleepy and they are most likely just thoughts.

My family just got back from a trip from the Midwest. We drove 24 hours to get there - straight through. My kids were real troopers - although it helped to have a double dvd player for them to watch. We attended a family reunion on one side of the family and a 50th wedding anniversary party on the other. I loved seeing all the cousins and all their little children. In my case, I felt like I didn’t have as much time to visit because I was too busy caring for my little family.

I try to remember that this time in my life is short and soon they won’t need or want my help as they get older. I try to remember that I will miss the days when they were little and I try to embrace each day as it comes. How did our moms or grandmothers do it? It reminds me of the time when I was pregnant with my second child and I was having a few issues with my first while at the grocery store. I made the comment to me husband about how I was going to deal with an infant and my 2 year old on outings such as grocery shopping. My husband made the remark, “lots of other women have done it.” It was said with no compassion and it really irked me, so I try not to make comments like that anymore. I managed quite well with two. Well, after having my third, I was really ill and didn’t make it out of the house much until just recently. About a month ago, I finally took all three out. The first time was a short Walmart trip and it went great. The second was a Walmart and a grocery store trip - I think that I bit off a little more than I could chew. Walmart was busy and I ended up having an old man in one of those electric cart chair things yell at me. I guess I got in his way. I was trying to maneuver around several things and keep my 4 year old with me, I really didn’t see him. Then we went to the grocery store. They actually did pretty well, but towards the end all 3 were fussing. While I was trying to bag my own groceries, my little one was crying. I had him in a front pack so it was hard to manage some of the heavier items. I could tell that everyone was looking at me. Was it compassion that I saw in their eyes or annoyance? I don’t know, I was trying to get done as soon as possible otherwise my 2 year old was going to get into mischief. I actually felt like crying by the time we made it to the car, but I didn’t. I just wonder, how my husband would have handled the situation? And the question is, am I going to try that again anytime soon? I will let you know.

Being a Wife and Mother Doesn't Always Come Naturally
Part 2

Expectations. I took a college class called Adjusting to Marriage. It was a great class to take to prepare one to get married and to help others prepare for marriage. Everyone has different expectations when they enter a marriage relationship. Since everyone comes from different backgrounds, people have different ideas of how relationships work. Who takes care of the bills, who takes care of car maintenance, who makes the meals, how many children they want, who mows the lawn, who does the laundry, etc. are some of topics that should be discussed. Those are simple things to talk about, but it is amazing how people look at them differently. Once a couple is married, it would make life more manageable if some of those expectations were already discussed. I have found that it is after marriage the debate begins about the “correct” way to get a particular job done. Did you know that there is a correct way to put the dishes in the dishwasher or to fold jeans?

I feel like this is also true about being a mother. I have put some unrealistic expectations onto myself and sometimes it is very hard to live up to them. Besides, my husband has his own expectations of what I should be as a mother based on his remembrances of what his own mother was like. That is why I wrote that not feeling like being wife and a mother came naturally. It is hard work being a wife and mother, it is not easy or natural all the time. That being said, I love being my kids’ mother. They are so sweet and are true blessings. I also enjoy the challenge of being married to my husband. I do say challenge - he stretches me out of my comfort zone. I know that I have been good for him because he is a lot sweeter than when I first married him.

Some women may not have so many expectations about motherhood, in many ways that could make life less stressful. In fact that is what I recommend - Not to stress over the little things. If hair isn’t always brushed, if there are still dishes in the sink, if I get home from the grocery store and still don’t know what to fix for lunch - it will be okay. It is a stage of my life that will be over before I know it. I just have to keep telling myself that. Just one more note before I go. I do believe that the majority of women are not prepared for motherhood when it comes upon them - whether the mom has a job or not. For the most part, motherhood is a learn as you go kind of job. Thankfully, I have a great support system and a heavenly Father that help me through such an important job.

Being a Wife and Mother Doesn't Always Come Naturally

I need to speak at a men's retreat for my church about being a wife and mother of young children. I want to be able to use this blog to springboard any ideas and thoughts I have and I hope that others respond.
I love to read, especially fiction. ( My reading has been minimal since having children.) In the historical reading that I have done, it seems like girls are raised to be wives and mothers - I think that for the most part, that is true. In today's society in which I grew up, I feel like this isn't the case. Every child is told that they can be anything that they want to be. Girls can have a career if they want - they can do it all. I wonder if that is so much the focus, that girls don't learn and focus on being a wife and mother. I don't want to say that my parents didn't raise me well, but I do know that sometimes I feel like being a mother and a wife doesn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would.
I have more to write on this subject, but my kids need me and I need to go.